Twilight Zone (Ghosts not Vampires)

We all know I prefer not to discuss politics so I won’t. I will say I watched the debates but what does that really mean in the grand scheme of things?  Today’s blog is going to address something that happened while I was sleeping last night and not related to politics at all.  I need to set the scene so you have a clear understanding of what went down!

After coming home from a serious meeting of the minds *insert laughter here* (the laughter is because it wasn’t serious but it was hysterical), I proceeded to go about the business of preparing for sleep. I was already tired but in true and nightly fashion I locked my door, slipped into sleepwear, turned off the lights (I have to sleep in complete darkness), and laid down.  I played on my iPad for a few moments, finalizing emails and catching up on People.com (don’t judge me) then posting to Facebook. After all that was said and done my tired behind went to sleep.  Now, I overheat at night and have to sleep with my ceiling fan on; in order to keep it on I have to leave my light switch up and pull the cord to my light to turn off the light itself. I have to pull the light specific cord 3 times to get it to turn off (my overhead lighting has multiple settings). Now that you have background please know my light was turned off directly using the cord not the switch prior to me getting in the bed.

Around 1:00am or shortly thereafter I was jarred awake by my light coming on, All by Itself! My immediate thought was the switch wasn't down all the way.  Then I realized no no, my fan is on and I pulled the cord to turn off the light. Then I had the moment of living single panic when I thought perhaps someone was in my apartment playing mind tricks.  Cruel, unusual but unlikely without a spare set of keys (plus my deadbolt was locked). I got up checked my locks, my bathroom, and my closest but not under my bed because monsters live there. Nothing! I was in fact alone! So my next logical train of thought was to text the protector and try not to be freaked out! I also got up and pulled the cord (again) to turn the light off before getting back in the bed and panicking.

If Long Island Medium has taught me anything it’s that spirits love to talk to loud mouths and I totally qualify. So as I laid there I began to wonder what the hell? How did my light turn on, who is trying to talk to me? The last time something freaky happened like this I received a phone call with bad news.  Maybe something bad just happened. Then I started assessing my feelings, other than concerns for my safety, I didn’t feel threated or scared I was just tired and unwilling to look at my ceiling. 

After phone calls to explain the course of events later, my freaky feelings were confirmed by an external but reliable party (aka the protector). Under advisement, I checked my locks again, turned off my overhead fan (not just the light), flipped the switch to off and weighed my options.  Do I stay in the apartment with these ghostly activities, will something else happen, should I make a grilled cheese sandwich? I had decisions to make and I was hungry. Ultimately, I went back to sleep and promised to check in first thing in the morning.

Back asleep without issue and I had regular dreams and no incidents until about 5am. At that time the sound of a male’s voice talking out loud woke me up. Ignoring the previous "light" incident, I dismissed it because my windows were open and I occasionally here phone calls in progress outside. The strange part was that I went back to sleep and dreamed of a dark figure, in a suit and brimmed hat, observing me and trying to speak with me but in a threating sort of way. That woke me up before my alarm yet again!!!

I would eventually get up and get to the business of starting my work day, still freaked out by the events that occurred. I would love my blog to end here but this morning, I had a conversation with the protector that coached me through last night and he said that he was thinking of a dark figure, in a suit and wide brimmed hat after we got off the phone last night. He had a similar dream!!!! FREAKY!!!! Immediate chills!

I’m now convinced something is going on. I mean maybe I’m not being haunted by the ghost of Christmas past but I have seen enough scary movies to know when a spirit is reaching out from the other side or when a ghostly killer is trying to enact revenge. Seeing as how I haven’t pissed off any ghost killers lately, I’m going to go with something is trying to communicate. Sure you non-believers are going to go with faulty electrical but I have been in this apartment for a year and never had this happen. Occasionally my touch lamp turns itself on but it’s sensitive and plugged into a sketchy surge protector.

Yes I love Supernatural, Fringe, American Horror Story, and creepy shows of the unexplained! Yes I do believe in ghosts, psychics and spirit worlds. I have had a few personal incidents involving dead relatives and people that made a believer out of me.  So the most logical conclusion other than faulty wiring or a serial killer living under my bed is that a ghost turned on my light and woke me up from what was destined to be a promising slumber.

With that out of the way I have a few messages for my new ghost friend:

·         Read my blog so I know it’s real!

·         Don’t mess with my sleep. I think you are cool and all but I was home and awake for plenty of time if you wanted to talk. Don’t wait until I am comfortable and asleep to start a conversation its rude when living people do it but it’s even worse with you. Sleep is crucial and I value it too much. If my mom doesn’t call my before 8am neither should you. The hours between 12- 8am are my own so say what you have to say during normal waking hours.

·         Be less creepy -perhaps if you soften you approach more people will listen to you. Also if you are lurking around my apartment you better not be watching me get undressed or shower. I would threaten to kill you but well…

·         Don’t try to body snatch me – I have seen enough Being Human to know it’s possible. Please continue to stay in your metaphysical plane of existence; I will fight you on this!

·         Be less cliché - Halloween is coming and this is just too convenient. It seems a bit rehearsed and I need you to exercise more originality. I believe in your ability to achieve ghostly greatness so let’s brainstorm some ways you can shine, I need any ghost living with me to shine. 

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.”

Who You Gonna Call?

Okie Doke – Kroger Style

I have a dilemma and I’m looking for feedback. Disclaimer: I know in this economy the words that will come together to make this blog are meaningless because there are actual people starving in America. There are people that have lost homes, and cars, and means of survival.  So if you fall in that category disregard the next few paragraphs.

I’m running on about 2.5 hours of sleep and despite growing concerns that 29 year old me may not actually be able to stay awake through the full course of my work day, I have one thought on my mind. It’s not why couldn’t I sleep, or I can’t believe I almost ran into that silver Camry this morning; I’m thinking about how my grocery store didn’t give me all of my groceries 2 days ago. I am for some reason contemplating why and how my second strawberry-peanut butter (high fiber) Luna bar is still at the store but the $1.25 it cost me is not in my wallet.

Trivial I know but first let me say those things are magically delicious and right now it would be my energy providing breakfast.  I bought 2 as a trial and the first one changed my opinion polls about the viability of a marriage between strawberries and anything other than chocolate.  So as I sit here drinking my V8 I’m wishing it that Luna bar was here with me.

Second, let me say that this is not the first offense for Kroger. We have been here before with air freshener, canned goods, and even a vegetable product or two.  Sure you give me Kroger plus savings but if you are going to charge me without delivering products then those savings mean nothing. I know accidents happen! I know people don’t see things sometimes as they are flying down that automated moving isle but this can’t continue friends. I’m devastated right now.

Third, what is the proper course of action when a grocery store has left items from your purchase at the register but you don’t realize it until you get home or days later?  I mean this isn’t McDonalds, I can’t exactly check my food before I leave the drive- through. It was $100 in groceries and to piggyback on this question of “food recovery etiquette” how much is too little to care about in terms of loss? I mean loss prevention managers have a number they can’t hit…so what’s my number?   I feel like $1.25 is not a lot but that can go towards a gallon of gas or my BREAKFAST!!!!! But if it were say a $10 febreeze refill would you be less outraged by my preoccupation over the loss of purchased items?

I feel cheated; because I was cheated but at what point do I become a crazy person driving 5 miles to my store and asking that they rectify this issue? And let’s say for the sake of argument, I do walk my disappointed self into said Kroger do I go to Customer Service and file a complaint? Do I bring my receipt and they take my word for it and issue me a new item (or God forbid a refund). I can’t believe they will, as my skepticism forces me to believe that being in America people abuse the honor system to the point where Kroger has created some sort of policy stating I can’t get my item or money back.  It’s probably in fine print on the receipt I have already thrown away!!!

For the record let me say I do love Kroger shopping and I did save $15 on my purchase thanks to store coupons. I also want to say this was not my regular Kroger but it is a repeat offender.  I also need to apologize for my misguided apology to the Kroger employee (2 grocery trips ago) who was on the receiving end of my laughter for using a register that notified her when something wasn’t scanned or bagged. My guess is they installed this fancy new technology to reduce the human error caused by your fellow associates.  My laughter was justified and should have been preceded with a sarcastic remark!!! Apology redacted!

To all the grocery items purchased that have been left behind, I’m sorry you weren’t able to go home with me, I’m sorry you didn’t get to enjoy the view from my awesome pantry!  I just want you to know you may be gone but you are not forgotten. 

PS: For those familiar with the Okie Doke this was classic bait and switch on behalf of Kroger. For those unfamiliar with the term, I’m too tired to explain but if you Google Urban Dictionary they can fill in the gaps! Happy Hump Day everybody.

Love, we will again be reunited!

Olive Oil Incarnate

Occasionally, I resort back to my awkward teenage phase and have moments of clumsy. It is to be expected, we all know long limbs and fast thinking don’t always mix. I am generally a clumsy person by biology (aka nature) but some days it’s worse than others. Today in true Monday fashion it is one of those slap stick comedy, Three Stooges, did that just occur kind of days. Granted it is only 10am, but my morning isn’t starting off quite right.

Aside from over sleeping (i.e. hitting my alarm 5 times before turning it off and waking up late), I started with a sinus headache. Headaches are never where you want to go first thing in the morning. Like a normal red blooded human being I dressed myself (despite losing a shoe again) and took my vitamins. I grabbed a hand full of stuff to take to work and then proceeded to trip downstairs on my way to my car. Yes I had to sacrifice some of the items I was holding but I did indeed catch myself before irrevocable damage could be done. I feel the need to blame the rain and the fact that the stairs were wet on my fall and if I could sue Mother Nature I probably would. I recovered from mild embarrassment to pick up my stuff and load up my car. As I go to get in my car, I actually hit my head on the door in what I can only describe as an audition for a sketch comedy show gone terribly wrong.  So now within the span of 10 minutes I have had two incidents of unnecessary clumsy. I would like to also point out that the worst thing you can do with a headache is get a concussion.

As I managed to miss every red light on my way to work, I was still in good spirits. I get to campus only to get tangled in my badge and seat belt. At which point I had to physically remove my id from the holder just so I could be blessed by security to enter. So now my clumsy officially had an audience.   I get in the building without incidence, only to realize my tote bag has completely ripped ¼ of the way down one side! YAY!  I also drop off a few items for a coworker. Pull out the post-it only to realize I don’t have a pen in any of the 3 bags I am carrying. Like a crazy person I spent 15 minutes trying to find a pen, before just asking another coworker…all that to write 4 words.

I put my stuff down, have a few conversations and then realize I am 15 minutes late for a meeting. I also realize my blackberry has had an hour glass of doom for the better half of an hour. The sweaty and discombobulated me goes to the meeting and carried on with the business of the day. The true test was realizing my computer wasn’t accessing email or allowing me to get online. Not very PC, my PC! Then I try to respond on my work blackberry to find that the battery is dead (mainly because I forgot to charge it this weekend)! Yeah that really is where I am right now.   My best guess is that Popeye will show up with a can of spinach and pummel my problems into oblivion. At some point, the tides will shift and I will start video tapping these moments so you can all laugh with me and not at me!

With all that said I look forward to what may come! My weekend was chaotic so I am sure this is just carrying over. So much was hilarious but the most worthy of mentioning is the housewarming party for my Grandmother (who I adore)!  I’m pretty certain I was traumatized by purple camouflage suits and the term “JC Special Forces”; I am not sure if this a band or just a group of Christian bandits but either way I’m still seeing it in my mind. Just know there were drums you could sit on, a prayer circle, rain, wheel chairs, and crockpots full of food (there was also a diet cake which I’m sure was fabricated by the devil)!

Let that marinate folks! I hope you all have a much better Monday than I am having!

Musical Magic (What If Friday)

The human melody is a unique symphony triumph, catastrophe, and mediocrity all playing to an eight count. I hope you are reveling in the jubilation that is FRIDAY! Seeing as I am in a musical mood let’s go ahead and kick off If (Questions for the Game of Life).

Question:        If you had to name the best live musical performance you have ever attended, which would you pick.

As I started thinking about the answer to this question I realized I have been to quite a few concerts:

·         112 and Ludacris

·         Coldplay

·         D ’Angelo and Mos Def

·         Danger Mouse

·         Dashboard Confessionals

·         Far East Movement and LMFAO

·         Gym Class Hero’s/ Estelle/ and The Roots

·         Janelle Monae and Gnarls Barkley

·         Krush Girls (DJ extravaganzas)

·         Lauyrn Hill

·         Lupe Fiasco

·         Pastor Troy

·         Plain White Tees

·         R.E.M.

·         Stevie Wonder

·         Stroke 9 and 311

·         T.I. and friends

·         The Fray

·         Tokyo Police Club

·         Trey Songz and Usher

·         Trombone Shorty

·         Wide Spread Panic

·         Zac Brown Band

·         DJ Clue / Trina and Friends

+ Many a cover band, rap artist, DJ, jazz musician (2011 Jazz Festival and more), festival lineup artist,  and regular musician trying to make it in America! I remember many a tired night at MJQ (don’t judge me)!

These are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head, which means I was likely intoxicated or I'm getting old. *sad face* However, what I have learned from this list is that I have an eclectic taste in music, I get a lot of free tickets (I only paid for about 15% of the shows on the list), and I need to go to more concerts. I expected this to be a two page list when I started; I have got to do better. Having to pick the best is difficult. Hands Down the Roots gives an amazing live show as does Coldplay and Stevie Wonder. Those concerts were legendary for me! Unforgettable, if you will but I can only chose one! In terms of great music they all score high on the list.  My best concert experience however involves several factors: level of drunkenness, enjoyment of the music, love for the artist, company, my outfit cuteness, and affordability.

Considering all of those dynamics the award goes to Coldplay! I had on my favorite boots (which are no longer with us), I was able to sing every song (they are one of my favorite bands), I sat outside, I had some great arm candy, there was beer, tickets were affordable, and I got a free CD and t-shirt when it was all said and done! Interactive live show with great music and fun times; it was pretty Awesome!!!!!

Happy Friday!

Party of Flu

Flu season is upon us. Cover your cough and wash your hands folks, it’s the right thing to do! This morning in true civil service fashion, I received my flu shot. This year I had a choice of the traditional shot or the newer interstitial vaccine. What is the difference you ask…well one is into the muscle (long needle) and the other is not (short needle). I do officially recommend those that are needle phobic get the interstitial shot because it is relatively painless and the needle is barely visible.

What will be important about this blog is not my shot but my nurse.  What you don’t want to hear prior to sitting down is your nurse asking questions about how to administer or determine what is needed to administer shots.  A little unnerving but manageable. What was slightly unsettling is her lack of bedside manner. No matter how sweet, funny or nice you appear to be certain things are still inappropriate to say to patients.  Things you don’t want to hear your nurse say (which I heard this morning):

1) Its like riding a bike [giving shots]

2) Let’s go with the newer shot because I need the practice, and

3) Its ok you will be a great guinea pig.

Nurse Lady let me start by saying; it is not like riding a bike! Anybody with legs and arms can ride a bike. That is not the same of administering medication via needle. That is why you go to school and receive proper training and if it has been that long since you have given a shot perhaps we need to reevaluate.

I need to practice is never something you say out loud when holding a sharp object. That’s like wielding a knife or gun and saying “I’m getting better at this the more I use it”! We all know practice makes perfect but you never want to be the practice dummy for your medical professional (too much is at stake)! Guinea pig status is not what I want to be! Think about it guinea pigs are expendable, fury, creepy, bitey little rodents that run around on wheels and burrow in straw.  I don’t want to be that under any circumstances! I equate that phrase to medical research or high risk life threatening activities though up by college students and teenagers.  Unless I am getting paid for my ovaries or videotaped (so I a record for evidentiary purposes) never should I be a guinea pig!

I know so many amazing nurses but I was reminded today, just like any industry there are the novice and inexperienced. All-in-all, I am happy I got the flu shot and I am now prepared for flu season. Vaccines serve an important purpose in prevention and that is my personal and professional medical opinion. No I'm not a doctor but I play one on TV! I hope others experience greatness and get a flu shot! It gives you super powers people, the power to fight off influenza! Costume not included. 

Perhaps we should make flu season a national holiday give it an awareness month and kick it off with margaritas (just like Cinco de Mayo). Ain’t no party like an influenza party cause an influenza party don’t stop….

Angry Bird

So angry typing is a bad idea. I have learned this from many occasions but sometimes it serves a greater purpose, it prevents you from laying hands on people. Sometimes you do have to kill people with kindness and be the bigger person in situations.  That means secretly wishing to triumph via the old adage “karma is a bitch”! For the record I’m not angry but I'm not feeling very kind. I am however, very irritated which made me think, why do people insist on trying to upset me? Angry me is not fun, nice or appropriate. I respect you if you respect me. We all learned that in kindergarten (even kids that were home schooled know better) so why do people forget it in adulthood?

I just don’t understand how and why people feel the need to act a fool. I like to think I’m a nice person with a sharp edge.  I don’t go out of my way to be cruel or mean, I occasionally think mean thoughts but I keep those to myself and close friends. When crossed I cut deep but all in all I think I’m a pretty good person. Fun loving, laughter oriented, blast in a glass! So it strikes me as odd when people feel the need to try my patience. My annoyed hat is on and before I move into angry, I think I need to clear some things up:

·       Don’t start with me before I have had breakfast or food. I can’t be held responsible for what I might say or do when malnourished. We all know I have a smart mouth but I can’t filter when starving so your feelings will likely get hurt.

·         Compliments wrapped in insults really piss me off. If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. Trust me I’m a Leo praise is something I give myself often! If you can’t be genuine then keep it to yourself.

·         I am not antagonistic or aggressive yet. White America let me be clear-- just because I have an opinion or clarify a thought doesn’t mean I’m a militant black woman. This is not a Tyler Perry Movie.  Maybe, just maybe, you were wrong or my opinion had value. If I haven’t raised my voice or cussed you out (after taking off earrings) then you can relax.  I’m not a killer, but don’t push me.

·         I don’t like surprises! Directness is always the best approach with me; I don’t need to find out from anybody anything different than what we have discussed. I don’t care to be involved in he said- she said. I try to remain neutral like Switzerland. With that said, let me know what I am walking into ahead of time it’s better for everyone (especially you).

·         If I wanted you to read my email I would have invited you to my monitor or just sent it to you direct. Office folks know what I’m talking about!

·         Just because I’m responsible doesn’t mean I won’t put paws on you! I wouldn’t classify myself as a fighter (anymore) but given the right circumstances (i.e. you putting hands on me) I will remind you where I’m from! Remember, I have bail money because I have real income. I’m also not opposed to voodoo curses so pump the brakes before you think about going there. 

·         Mind your business! Or as we say in the government, stay in your lane! I would define myself in most situations as an oversharer. I don’t mind telling people what I think, feel, or experience but if I’m not telling you something it’s because I probably don’t want you to know or it doesn’t have anything to do with you.  If it involves you I will let you know. We aren’t all best friends! I’m not going to friend everyone on Facebook and invite you over to my house. Calm down, feel free to read my blog if you want to know what’s up but otherwise mind ya business and hush yo mouth!

·         There are stupid questions! I just want you to be informed the next time you decided to ask one! I may not respond because you are an idiot.

·         Two-faced is never a good look. If you can’t be the same with me in one setting as you are in another then let’s just not associate. I don’t need the confusion; I also don’t care to worry about how to treat you in public vs the office. Professionalism is a skill; it doesn’t mean you aren’t a person. Stop being shady and just keep it real! I’m not trying to be your best friend, I’m just trying to acknowledge your existence and do my job effectively.

For those of you thinking about getting out of pocket with me this week, word to the wise I’m not the one. Save yourself the trouble and just keep a safe distance (virtually/digitally, physically, etc.) at least until Friday. I’m generally really happy on Friday and may let your foolishness slide.

Martha Monday

I would wish you all a happy Monday but that is an oxymoron and I don’t want to start with hypocrisy this early in the morning. We all know Monday’s suck mainly because it means you are back at work and that means no more weekend warrior for you. 

I am feeling the burn today, my weekend craft project turning my mundane and filthy patio into an outdoor seating area has me sore in places I didn’t think existed.  You paint a few pallets, make a few signs, and hang a few lights and your body experiences radiating pain.  It seems unfair but I assume this is why people hire illegal day laborers.  My project is almost complete (just missing furniture cushions) and I’m proud of how far I have come. The neighborhood cat has made a visit for the first time ever, so my work has made the patio cozy enough for a feline which is a step in the right direction. Once I make it human hospitable I can invite people over to enjoy adult beverages and play taboo!

There is something to this Do It Yourself concept. There is a sense of accomplishment that comes from getting your hands dirty and creating something you want.  Not the same sense of accomplishment from sipping hurricanes and watching people you have paid get the job done but accomplishment nonetheless. Next up is my living room! I will not be building a couch (I am dedicated, not crazy or a carpenter). But there are some changes coming. New art for the walls, new chair, new layout, and maybe even some new febreeze noticeables, I’m thinking it’s time to change my scent;  linens and spring mist are great but I want something new.  See the trend here people…new and improved. Now if I can just get a new and improved body then my 2012 will have been worth it! I would however, settle for some bengay at this point because my hamstrings really hurt.

I do this every so often, decide to change some things. Take on projects, run with the bulls, and stay up past midnight.  You know get crazy chocolate wasted and live life to the fullest. So over the next few weeks expect blogs about foolish projects…I see a craft table in my future (thanks in advance ikea). Let the revolution for home change commence.     

Other than my arts and crafts project winning weekend I had football so all was right in the world. My Dawgs did it again with an amazing win over Vanderbilt. My Saints went to 0-3 which makes me sad but I assume means my college team will rise to all kinds of Glory. Why can’t I have a successful college and pro season at the same damn time? If Future can do it, why can’t I?

Well today was short and sweet mainly because my fingers are sore from painting and bug bites (I worked outside against my better judgment). Today is for you Martha Stewart -- post prison Martha I salute you! I feel like you and Future could be great friends and perhaps you should have him on your show. You are both multitasking go getters, think about it!

Back to work I go.

Wild One (What If Friday)

Happy Friday friends, family, and readers! We made it!!!!  You should know what Friday means…debauchery, foolishness, randomness and If (Questions for the Game of Life).  The soundtrack for today’s question is Flo Rida - Wild Ones! I’m not proud of that selection but it is what immediately came to mind when I read the question and what I used to justify my answer.

For the record, Flo Rida is not in my iTunes rotation (ever) it is just heavily played on the radio which I listen to frequently.

Question:        If you had to spend one year alone in the wilderness, where would you go?

Well we all saw 127 hours and if you didn’t see it you should (James Franco gives an amazing performance). With that being said, I would not spend my year in any canyon in Moab, Utah. Canyons are for white people who like adventure and boulders that need a home, not for me.

Another place I can scratch off my list is the Artic, Antarctic and Alaska. I saw 30 days of Night and I don’t need vampires trying to eat me. I also don’t under any circumstances do cold weather year round so that’s just not going to work out.  Penguins are cute but Happy Feet can’t dance for a year and keep me distracted from the cold, at some point he will have to fight killer seals and teach his baby penguin kids lessons about self-acceptance and individuality.

I am also happy to eliminate any deserts from my list, mainly because of the extreme temperatures and lack of aesthetic (I need something to look at other than sand dunes and cactus). Then I thought all that sand in all sorts of crevices I wouldn’t want sand in; no thank you!

Next I figured I would select the jungle! Rain Forest means diversity of life and great weather. But I realized industrial development is leading to the deforestation and pollution of these areas. That in combination with Global Warming (which I learned about from Al Gore) makes me fear that I might not make it a year. I also remembered that the rain forest is riddled with insects and killer bugs. So perhaps the FernGully I imagined in my mind should just stay an animated dream. I thought of Africa and the vast wilderness it holds but I wanted to stay domestic and use my year to explore something I haven’t seen in my home continent.

Then Flo Rida made me think about the urban wilderness, “Party going wild, fist pumping music… Blast to the roof, that how we do'z it… Gotta break loose cause that's the motto… Somehow, someway, gotta raise the roof, roof, All black shades when the sun come through”. He may not be a lyrical genius but he does have a point, clubs themselves are a wilderness complete with hunters and prey. Although I do enjoy wearing sexy outfits, dancing, and drinking, I couldn’t do it for an entire year. Can you imagine using a club bathroom for 365 days or having to turn down the advances of creepy old men or to consistently witness the train wreck that is the next generation’s dance/club wear? I will pass Flo Rida!

But I am a wild one and that made me realize I need to alter my perception of the question.  If I had to live in the wilderness, I wouldn’t want to be human. I would want to enjoy the full scope of it all and really adapt and survive in my new environment. So I have decided to be a wolf (even if that means I’m a one woman wolf pack)! And I would live in a safe but wild place something like a national forest or park. Like Yellowstone or Eldorado National Forest. This way I can avoid being killed or have my home destroyed. I would want something big and on the west coast just because of weather; so Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest which is over 6 million acres is my choice (I did research people). From its towering mountain ranges to rolling sagebrush plains; I would have plenty of space to run free and get my wolf on! So there you have it!!!!

“I am a wild one, tame me now, running with wolves and I'm on the prowl!”

Side Note: If wolves weren’t wild killers I would totally domesticate one and keep it as a pet, like a crazy person!

This is what Wolf-Me would look like!

Fear Factor

We all have fears in life. There aren’t too many things that actually scare me, which explains my love for scary movies and horror films. I was thinking on my way into work this morning that I have very few legitimate fears; but there are more things I dislike or that cause me discomfort.

Fear Factor and Scare tactics were shows, I remember them! The concepts were classic, put people in unknown situations that play off of things that are scary.  That’s not hard to do these days because there is a lot to fear in society, but it got me thinking where do our fears come from? What initiated some of my fears and does facing them really help you overcome them? I’m sure fear has been studied by some scientist somewhere but I want to self-assess.

I never had phobias as a child nor did I worry about unfortunate events.  But should Lemony Snicket or Freddy Krueger decided to wage war on my mental state there are some things they could use as fuel. Obviously I had to identify my fears:

Failure – I know this seems cliché. But I hate losing, even at life! If I have failed at something it devastates my psyche and projects into anger and disappointment. It isn’t pretty people and it really pisses me off, but that anger is just manifested fear. I don’t want to ever fail but when I do it is crippling.

Being homeless – I know this seems weird but I really do fear losing all my money and living out my version of the great depression. Sleeping in shelters and panhandling for food. Not sure where this fear comes from but it’s real enough for me to work like a Jamaican and hoard my money. I’m frugal for a reason people.  The thought of not being able to shower, sleeping on the ground, or dying of malnutrition or health issues gives me goose bumps.  Living of the kindness of others is enough to give me a panic attack; others aren’t kind and to be in a situation where I have nothing would be demoralizing. Besides I might end up crazy, vocalizing the end of the world, pushing a shopping cart and collecting stray cats and that is no good for anybody.

Dying from a faulty parachute – I don’t have a problem with heights, or flying, or extreme sports. I have a problem with parachutes and I will never sky dive because I value my life and because I fear dying.  It’s kind of bizarre and I know I say I will try anything once but I won’t do that.  I get anxiety thinking about it; suiting up, getting in the plane, standing at the door having to jump, falling….falling, and ultimately falling some more. My shoot doesn’t open I plummet to my death and then wake up in my next fear. 

Going to Hell – as a Catholic I have been conditioned to fear hell and Nuns. I have clearly had several dreams about dying and several have ended in hell. My guess is that was manifested guilt for something but the reality is hell is scary and not a place I want to be. I joke about driving the bus for all those people I know wearing gasoline draws; but I don’t even want to get that close. I want to be the lady with the clipboard helping load the bus and then watching it drive away into the dreary and destitute sunset. I’m prayed up right now and repenting for my sins every day (living life the righteous way). I envision hell being hot and gross (which is hell also because I hate sweating); and I feel like it is a place where your darkest realities come true. My hell would be full of Justin Bieber songs, PBS specials, TPS reports, bland food, insects, 2 hour meetings where I have to pay attention, not having twitter and being without my loved ones. I picture it like ground hog day but with flames and serial killers.

I realize this is a short list and perhaps that’s good! I have less to worry about but in terms of my ability to face these fears, I really can’t do that because many are terminal.  So I strive to avoid them at all costs. I can’t imagine what it is like for people with real phobias; in my mind I equate it to living every day in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house.  My fears come from dreams and over thinking but that means I can process them internally and they motivate me to work hard and do the right thing.  I know for others fear can hinder your function and be derived from very traumatic experiences. I do not wonder what that's like. 

What strikes fear in your heart? Whatever it is just remember “One, two, Freddy's coming for you.
Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again”…
Some items that made the discomfort list just so you know what I’m working with and what to avoid wishing upon me:

·         Being a passenger in a car with Amanda Bynes

·         Being pregnant with twins (or multiples)

·         Being reincarnated as a teenage cheerleader

·         Decipticons taking over the earth

·         Gardening

·         Gatherings of Birds (flocks) – full blame to Alfred Hitchcock

·         Large animals (cows, bears, horses, hippos)

·         Public Speaking (groups of over 25 individuals)

·         Sarah Palin

·         Sauerkraut

·         Sharks

·         Snakes on a Plane (the movie and it actually happening)

·         Spiders

·         Stalkers

Psycho Classic Fear!!!



Hello Krueger Kitty (LOL)







He is just an actor!