Open Letters {post vacation rambling}

My vacation has ended but I have a few things to get off my chest. I wrote a few open letters to the things on my mind and heart this morning…
 

Dear Punta Cana,

I am back stateside and into day 2 of being back at work. I miss you Dominican Republic (not the lack of wifi but the beach).  Can I go back on vacation? Is it possible for me to climb into someone’s suitcase with an oxygen mask and a pillow?  Reality is not nearly as much fun as the dancing, drinking, and relaxing that occurred this past weekend. - LC

 

Dear 8 pounds I gained from vacation overeating,

I hate you! I want you to go away without me having to work out or eat right! Can’t you just evaporate into the abyss and leave me alone. The extra giggle and wiggle is unnecessary and cruel if you ask me! F -You!!! This heartburn you brought can kick rocks too! - LC

 

Dear Samsung Galaxy S4,

You are the best phone I have ever had. I love you more than life itself and I want to commit to living together (at least for the next 2 years). If you take care of me, I will take care of you. Case, screen protectors, blackberry sacrifices; whatever you want I agree to do.  Team work makes the dream work baby and together we will change the world. - LC

 

Dear Kitchen Sink,

Yes I mean you my actual kitchen sink. Now is not the time to spring a leak. I need you to stop pouring water in the cabinet underneath you! That doesn’t work for me or the wood at all.  It’s messy and inconvenient plus I really want to wash my dishes from last night’s dinner. I hope the maintenance man sets you straight and that you really think about what you have done so we don’t have a repeat of this incident. Learn from the bathtub (get right or get gutted)! -LC

Vacation LC

 

best phone EVER!!!!

To New Orleans and Back

I am back from my mini-Easter vacation!!!  My first road trip with the Man of Steel and my dad was a success.  Celebrating one of my favorite holidays with my family and good food is something I can’t capture in words. What I can do is share some of the nuggets of goodness that continue to bring me joy from this weekend trip.

Road Trip – my Dad is the greatest (like ever) and he decided this trip he was going to play backseat driver.  He wanted to be chauffeured (driving Mr. Daisy style) so that is what happened.  That way he was able to be in my fiancée’s ear the entire time.  My favorite reoccurring line was “why are you doing that, you shouldn’t get in this lane…well let me be quiet, cause I’m not driving” Either way my dad also imparted quite a bit of historical knowledge on us. For a man that planned to sleep and rest he actually talked for 6 of the 7 hours we drove (coming and going).  The man has lived an adventurous life; I’m actually surprised I turned out so responsible (pretty sure that was my mom and her goody two-shoes karma). Other facts I learned: 95% of our road trips involve rain, my dad supports peeing in nature’s bathroom (the woods) instead of gas stations, dogs are fair game for kidnapping, Alabama has been under construction since the 70s, Missouri is not for me, and Thailand has the best "herbs"!

Living History – my grandmother (in all her 91 year old glory) shared so many great stories with me during my trip.  I was educated to the importance of marriage and how to make one work! I was also informed about the tradition of a Hope Chest (which I apparently will be receiving since I am newly engaged). I learned a little bit of this and whole lot of that, including the magnificence of Johnnie Walker Red, a fine whiskey indeed.

Gross streets of New Orleans – sure the food is great and the nightlife is 24hrs but NOLA is no place for the weak of stomach!  We decided to stay downtown and get our tourist on, what we found were blood stains, vomit, and the health hazards galore. Dear girls walking around without shoes aside from the dangers of broken glass and rusty nails, people pee and barf on the street, so put something on your damn feet. You would be surprised how many folks were not wearing shoes!

Family Fun – I love my family and they bring me such joy. From my tell it like it is grandma to my aunts and uncle, who are hysterical.  The only people I know that can cuss each other out in love, talk politics and religion (while watching King of Kings), then turn around and teach you the art of grilling and the proper way to drink liquor.  A well read, well versed group of nuts that welcome any challenge. We had several generations of Cordier’s all at one house and it was epic!!!

Evolution of the Easter egg hunt – apparently times have seriously changed. When I was kid you were lucky if your Easter egg contained candy. You were also lucky to not get poison ivy while hunting for them. At the Easter egg hunt we held this weekend, the eggs were stuffed with money (dollar dollar bills ya’ll).  Then somebody lost a bracelet and offered a $10 cash reward to whichever kid could find it! Thanks for setting the bar too high family, I don’t want to have to maintain this expectation of cashing in at family functions in the future (family time is painful and free, check the history books).

Who are you? - Meeting and re-meeting family you haven’t seen in years is always fun. For the record telling me "that’s your cousin" doesn’t exactly explain the family connection. Especially in New Orleans where cousins can be blood related or come by way of marriage, relationships, or street convo. Who’s your daddy (or momma)? That is the only way to tell who you belong to!

Drinking – I still love drive through daiquiris shops. That’s all I can really say about that! Dad I wasn’t drinking or driving (not simultaneously I mean). I did drive, then drink but never at the same time or in reverse order. I did however drink and walk because New Orleans lets you do that!

Invest in a pick-em-up truck - the streets in New Orleans are terrible. You feel like you constantly have a flat tire or that you may have run over a drunken body. Eventually the paranoia subsides and you realize why everybody drives trucks; to combat the streets and to tow grills of course.  I felt like I needed to invest. LC truck driver coming at you *honk honk*!

All in all, we had a great trip. We have some business collaborations in the works and plans to do it all again sometime soon. I love holiday weekends!!!!



Grill Master +Blaise Cordier 




Dad meets Grill




Crawfish plate




Circle of Crawfish life... cooler to boiler to belly




Oysters cooking (with burger in hand)



Man's gotta eat - G-Man gets down with da crawdads



Trucks have so many uses (Jungle gym)!



Teleportation Talk (What If Friday)

It is FRIDAY! You already know the routine people so in an effort to spice up your Friday let’s answer a question from my favorite coffee table book If (Questions for the Game of Life).

Question:        If you could physically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go?

For years I have been a proponent of the teleport. I feel like it is 2012 and years of playing Halo has me convinced that advances in our technology should have allowed for the creation of one by now. I need our scientist to regroup and get to work on teleportation as a method of travel. 

When answering this question so many things came to mind! My first thought was my bed! It’s warm and comfortable. My pajamas are there! Being there is exponentially better than being at work.  Then I started thinking bigger, perhaps a bed with room service at a luxury hotel like the Four Seasons New York.  After putting my desires to be asleep aside, I focused more globally. I need tropical weather, a relaxed atmosphere, good food, and internet access.  So here is what I have come up with:

Lord Howe Island!!!! - On my physical person I will have a global iphone with satellite access (this is my fantasy people no questions). I will be wearing a short-set lounge wear ensemble from the softest cotton known to man with tagless everything. My shoes will be sandals. In my fashionable backpack will be a towel, sunglasses, my ipad, headphones, sunscreen, swim suit, matches (just in case), a flask of vodka, my entire life savings in large denominations, and a neck pillow. I will have all of this on my body as I hop in a teleport to Lord Howe Island in the South Pacific. My understanding is they don’t allow more than 400 visitors on the island at any one time. I would be the only person there minus staff assigned to serve me (it is my world people).  There is a plethora of activities including eating, snorkeling, mountain biking, golf, tennis, cycling, and canoeing which I will likely never do because I will be reading books on my ipad beach/pool side and sleeping in what I imagine is the most comfortable bed in the world as a warm ocean breeze passes over me.

I want a vacation get away damn it; one without having to pay an arm and a leg for travel and in my perfect world this teleportation device was gifted to me because of my undeniable awesomeness.  I packed island supplies just in case but I fully believe the resort will accommodate my needs free of charge because I’m important enough to have been gifted a teleportation device (you see how this works). The money is just in case I need to buy my way out of a sticky situation (like being Taken) or desire to tip the staff. I look forward to master chefs, comfy beds, possible outdoor activities, great scenery, and the kind of weather to make me want to stay forever and ever. 

Like many of you, I had other options including a bank vault, celebrity bedroom, movie sets, Top Chef Kitchen, True Blood Writers meeting, secret rooms in the Vatican, the Pyramids and so much more. I realized I needed more relaxation bang for my non-existent fictional question buck and I wanted to pick a place I was unlikely to visit seeing as I never really vacation. I wanted sun, sand, and blackberry free so the remote island wins this round. Now if I was able to move across the space-time continuum that would be an entirely different story.

Lord Howe Island

Birthday Week Begins

Happy early birthday to myself and Happy Monday to you all!  It is officially 2 days until I turn a fine 29! And I am home sweet home and back to business.  I have vacated upstate New York hoping to never return (dear Beastie please move back down south).  I feel the need to recap my weekend and upcoming birthday plans just to bring more joy to my jet-lagged mind.

So I traveled to Syracuse, NY last week for what was originally supposed to be a pre-birthday vacation full of partying and drinking and the oh so funtastic Atlantic City.  Well Mr. S. Russell (the S stands for Stonewall) had other plans.  My ace-boon-coon was diagnosed with kidney stones and rendered invalid after having surgery a few days before I arrived.  So I spent quite a few days playing Nurse Betty, Driving Miss Daisy, and being the Maid in Manhattan but in upstate NY. 

I don’t mind caring for friends it’s kind of what I do but I was bummed I didn’t get to party it up and have the kind of fun I had anticipated. However, I was paid in trident gum and food which resolved any residual hard feelings that were brewing.

I do need to express my utter annoyance and current dislike for upstate New York! Syracuse is nice and all but we had a few kinks that caused me to simmer and nearly boil over with aggravation.

1) Gift Shop Highway Robbery – yes I went to buy nick-nacks and customary trinkets from a local gift store near the university.  To the store owner that swiped my card before giving me a total it is not ok that you charged me $73.98 for 5 items (coffee mug, socks, bottle opener, and 2 magnets). No it isn’t cool and yes I said something but you playing dumb and then pointing out that all sales are final after I purchase is really jackass of you.

2) University Eavsedropping – dear college girls it is not acceptable for you to eavesdrop on conversations hoping to find out if we are talking about students you may know. We are 29, we don’t go to your school, and yes it’s ok for our friends to be pregnant because they are adults. Never in your life should you turn your chair to actively listen to another person’s conversation. Use your manners and listen covertly!

3) French Revolution – dear man from Quebec no I don’t speak French. No it’s not ok to approach women on the street and follow them talking in your weird accent for 3 blocks. No I don’t have anything else to say other than welcome to New York!

4) Blackberry Sucks – dear blackberry please stop ruining my adult life. When I click email messages I should get those (not texts). When I post to facebook it shouldn’t take 20 minutes.  When I enable foursquare you shouldn’t freeze. Just work I have to keep you for 8 more months and I really don’t want to cause you bodily harm.

5) Airport Woes – Rochester airport you are a disgrace to all that is airport glory. Sure you have short lines but your airport staff is clearly subpar and uninformed. Really open my suitcase and take out everything, then ask me to move quickly replacing the mess? Really not assigning me a seat or boarding zone when I checked in? Really not telling passengers of the weather delay? Really not having any real restaurants and food? Really not having enough overhead space for 10-12 people’s bags, then checking my luggage? I’m over you and next time I will pay the extra $100 and fly into LaGuardia because they know what they are doing.

I did learn some valuable lessons while in NY including:

·         My stomach is no longer equipped to handle mousse-based desserts no matter how tasty

·         I hate the smell of cities (never breath through your nose)

·         Driving a Camry is pretty nice

·         Crab legs can cause hand injuries

·         I want a blue nose pit-bull

·         I can cook under any conditions including not having pots

·         Any sales tax higher than 7% makes me sad

·         Olympic Track and Field is the business

·         If trampoline is a sport so is Sour Patch Kids Couch Catch (we were bored)

That entire series of incidents aside, I returned safely to my home state of Georgia and my birthday kicked into high gear because of the Realest man I know! He was there to greet me with hugs, kisses, and PRESENTS.  Apparently blogging and list making pays off because this girl right here ended up with the best birthday presents EVER! I received my very own iPad TV connector (complete with onsite installation) and the Coach- Bleecker Weekend Tote. Two gifts that totally kick ass! Netflix instant stream from my iPad to my TV has implications no one can truly understand and a coach weekender makes all the difference when navigating airport foolishness (sometimes a purse just won’t do).  So thank you kind sir you have started the Birthday week off in glorious fashion. This birthday is going to be great!

Next up is dinner with some greats on Wednesday and gift pick-up from the parental untis on Friday! I’m thinking me and another fine Leo lady I know need to have some kind of gathering on Saturday! We shall see!

Travel Checklist

LC is boarding a jet plane in a few hours and heading to NYC! No I am not bringing Pace Picante Sauce but yes I am excited!  In classic procrastination fashion this blog is late today because I am still running last minute errands for my trip. The business of travel is sooooooo tedious, I would much rather watch Olympics gymnastics (team USA did their thing winning that Gold).  

I do enjoy traveling but I despise preparing for travel and this blog is serving as my mental checklist to make sure anybody (i.e. me) is prepared.

1.      Clean House – I find it daunting, icky and often smelly to come home to a dirty house. So I make it a point to clean before I go! This includes my kitchen (mainly dishes) and bathroom. That pine sol fresh smell goes a long way in my opinion.  For the record I do hate cleaning, it’s the lazy bum in me but it’s cool because I will one day make enough money to hire a maid.  It will likely be a male maid and he will likely be white (just out of principal). Judge not!

2.      Grab cash – as I have learned recently traveling through back woods Mississippi not everybody accepts credit. I also learned that Wells Fargo is not everywhere. Seeing as how that is my bank of choice I have no choice but to carry cash, just in case.

3.      Share your itinerary – this is 2012 people and unfortunately people are kidnap and murder crazy.  To avoid Natalie Holloway situations try to avoid dealing with strangers and make sure people know where you are going.  I shared my trip plans and schedule with multiple friends and family.  I know I’m a black female so that makes me harder to kidnap and sell into the sex trade but that doesn’t mean people won’t try.  My dad is ex-military and my man is determined! Both of them are armed and clearly have seen Taken so they know what to do!

4.      Pay your Rent – this only applies when traveling during the 1^st of the month…did anybody else immediately start humming Bone Thug-N-Harmony?! 

5.      Charge all electronic devices – if you are addicted to Words with Friends or twitter like I am then you truly understand the importance of this checklist item

6.      Wash a set of sheets - because of a nasty incident with a spider in college that caused me some pretty life threating infections and a lovely dimple on my rear-end,  I like to prepare a clean set of sets to put on my bed when I come back from a trip.  I even leave them in the dryer so they can’t be compromised. Spiders are tricky, malicious, creepy, overly-legged bastards of the insect world but one spider won’t stop my show!  

7.      Get your hair done – for me fresh perm makes travel that much more enjoyable. Soft hair blowing in the wind makes this jet setter look and feel AMAZING! 

8.      Hydrate and moisturize - I’m mainly referring to your body! I am traveling by air so will be required to remove shoes to go through the infamous security scan. Nobody wants to see ashy feet, they may ask for your autograph thinking you are a professional brick kicker (awkward)!

8a. Don’t be a drug mule it is a felony! They have internal scanning devices for a reason.

8b. Don’t wear intricate shoes, it slows down the security line and is super annoying to fast paced people such as myself

9.      Tweet and FB post your progress - in an effort to annoy people and incite jealous be sure to post countdowns, airport photos, trip updates, etc.  Do it hourly if you are going to some place cool like the Caribbean, Europe, Africa, etc.  It makes you feel powerful and world traveled! Perhaps even respectable.

10.  Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood – it’s real in these streets!

That good people is the recipe for success when traveling! The next time we talk I will be sipping wine in NY because that’s how I roll!  Carmen Sandiego Out!