Monday Morning Musing

Happy Monday peeps! I trust everyone had a great weekend, if not that sucks and I’m sorry. Today is a new day and I am feeling rested and ready to take on the week. With my Luna bar in hand I decided to recap my weekend warrior antics.

• No I did not go to the Sweet Auburn festival and yes I am slightly bummed about that.
• Yes I did spend a great deal of time at Hobby Lobby and that makes me an old lady and I am not ashamed.
• My bestie started her move to Florida
• International travel can be a nightmare but it brought my Kels back to me, to me…
• A special lady I know on crutches is now on my girls’ movie night summer activity list
• Dinner party, Dinner Party, Dinner party…planning
• The apartment above mine is leaking water (flashback to last year and the nightmare that caused).
• Glitter and tripods (they go together, you will see).
• Countdown to vacation is at 17 days!!!!
• Mother’s Day was celebrated! All the moms out there making the world a better place are pretty awesome!!

Have a great day!

 

Death and Taxes

Dear Tax Gods,

Another year has come and gone and I am reminded how much you dislike human beings. Isn’t it bad enough that so much of my paycheck already goes to the government? Isn’t it enough that you made me suffer through years of paying estimated taxes! When will the madness end, what is left to take? My first born isn’t an option because I don’t have one and you refuse to barter with human lives! Stop crushing dreams!!!!

~Thanks LC

Every tax season I am disturbed by how much money I don’t actually get to keep from my paycheck. This year is no exception because a business venture actually cost me a bit more money than I anticipated. I have learned some valuable tax lessons over the years and I wanted to impart some knowledge:

1. Hire tax professionals not back alley card sharks- Every year I make sure to pay my favorite tax pros over at Tax Depot to prepare and file my taxes. I’m no accountant; I don’t even play one on TV, so I make sure to hire the people that know what they are doing. I have heard the stories of finagling accountants, dirty dealings, and scams but the IRS doesn’t play that so neither do I.
2. Don’t spend your refund all in one place – try to be a bit more fiscally responsible than you were all year folks! Don’t blow your entire refund check helping Cinnamon at Pink Pony get her degree in business. It’s called a savings account open one up!
3. Internet stalk the IRS – become familiar with all that government jargon then wikipedia what it all means. Visit their website just to get an awareness of some of the tools at your disposal and the forms that are necessary…then refer back to lesson#1.
4. Don’t wait until the last minute – this isn’t like hitting snooze on the alarm clock. Filing your taxes late can cost you money! This isn’t something to do last minute so get it out of the way sooner rather than later so if you owe you can make arrangements to pay (if necessary).  Also if you are interested read this article from the Huffington Post about delays leading to identify theft - Procrastinating at Tax Time Can Cost You Your Identity  (no need to thank me for encouraging you to read).
5. IRS doesn’t stand for Incalculable Riches Stolen – IRS stands for Internal Revenue Service but the acronym is often confused with It Really Sucks, Inhereit Retardation Syndrome, or Intrusive Revenue Snoopers. Oddly some additional legitimate meanings for IRS are Insulin Receptor Substrate and Indoor Residual Spraying (mosquito control) and for text users I’ll Return Soon!

Well that is all I really plan to say about that…no need upsetting the tax Gods just to write a blog. For the record, I am not a financial consultant but the one I pay hopes you have a great tax season!

Photo Credit: © Scott_downs | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Teleportation Talk (What If Friday)

It is FRIDAY! You already know the routine people so in an effort to spice up your Friday let’s answer a question from my favorite coffee table book If (Questions for the Game of Life).

Question:        If you could physically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go?

For years I have been a proponent of the teleport. I feel like it is 2012 and years of playing Halo has me convinced that advances in our technology should have allowed for the creation of one by now. I need our scientist to regroup and get to work on teleportation as a method of travel. 

When answering this question so many things came to mind! My first thought was my bed! It’s warm and comfortable. My pajamas are there! Being there is exponentially better than being at work.  Then I started thinking bigger, perhaps a bed with room service at a luxury hotel like the Four Seasons New York.  After putting my desires to be asleep aside, I focused more globally. I need tropical weather, a relaxed atmosphere, good food, and internet access.  So here is what I have come up with:

Lord Howe Island!!!! - On my physical person I will have a global iphone with satellite access (this is my fantasy people no questions). I will be wearing a short-set lounge wear ensemble from the softest cotton known to man with tagless everything. My shoes will be sandals. In my fashionable backpack will be a towel, sunglasses, my ipad, headphones, sunscreen, swim suit, matches (just in case), a flask of vodka, my entire life savings in large denominations, and a neck pillow. I will have all of this on my body as I hop in a teleport to Lord Howe Island in the South Pacific. My understanding is they don’t allow more than 400 visitors on the island at any one time. I would be the only person there minus staff assigned to serve me (it is my world people).  There is a plethora of activities including eating, snorkeling, mountain biking, golf, tennis, cycling, and canoeing which I will likely never do because I will be reading books on my ipad beach/pool side and sleeping in what I imagine is the most comfortable bed in the world as a warm ocean breeze passes over me.

I want a vacation get away damn it; one without having to pay an arm and a leg for travel and in my perfect world this teleportation device was gifted to me because of my undeniable awesomeness.  I packed island supplies just in case but I fully believe the resort will accommodate my needs free of charge because I’m important enough to have been gifted a teleportation device (you see how this works). The money is just in case I need to buy my way out of a sticky situation (like being Taken) or desire to tip the staff. I look forward to master chefs, comfy beds, possible outdoor activities, great scenery, and the kind of weather to make me want to stay forever and ever. 

Like many of you, I had other options including a bank vault, celebrity bedroom, movie sets, Top Chef Kitchen, True Blood Writers meeting, secret rooms in the Vatican, the Pyramids and so much more. I realized I needed more relaxation bang for my non-existent fictional question buck and I wanted to pick a place I was unlikely to visit seeing as I never really vacation. I wanted sun, sand, and blackberry free so the remote island wins this round. Now if I was able to move across the space-time continuum that would be an entirely different story.

Lord Howe Island

Columbus Day Weekend Special

The sky is literally falling this morning as they are doing repairs on our office building roof.  I am forced to work through what I can only describe as a construction site with equipment pounding, particulate matter falling from my ceiling, workers burling around and all that jazz.

As my office walls attempt to do an impression of a shake weight I realize it is post Columbus Day Tuesday.  Despite the construction and general tomfoolery and mayhem at work I’m in fun fall spirits. I haven’t blogged in a few days (I don’t work on holiday weekends anymore people) and I really missed you guys! But I am back with weekend randomness to share.

Columbus, Thief or Hero? - Many of you have often heard me refer to America as the greatest country ever stolen! Monday we celebrated Columbus Day in true American fashion by shutting down schools, banks, and government facilities. As the story goes, in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue and he eventually discovered the Americas; a land that had already been discovered and inhabited by Inuit and Native American people (those indigenous to the region). So we thank Columbus for rewriting history and finding what was already found but claiming it as newly discovered, thus beginning a universal bidding war for land and power ultimately leading to “freedom”. I am not sure Columbus is someone to celebrate in terms of his tactics but what he did was impressive. Consider that he lived 55 years back when life expectancy was much worse; he was able to survive multiple voyages (that’s what they called travel in old times); was able to coordinate 3 massive ships and the crews; manage and acquiring funding and still make a profit; write a few books, and completely negate the indigenous peoples and the discovery of the Americas by the Norse (11^th century folks) claiming the right for himself! Do you Columbus because that is true gangsta right there! Either way, I am thankful for not having to go to work one Monday every October!

Fall Favorites - fall is officially here because I was able to pull out tights and boots due to a much needed drop in temperature. I am soooo excited and I look forward to all it brings; Halloween, pumpkin gooey treats, and hot chocolate extravaganzas. This is my favorite time of year for so many reasons, most importantly the fashion which I love! Bring out the cable knit sweaters and knit hats please! Sign me up for knee high boots and cute stockings, put me in a turtle neck and wool skirt then send me on my merry way!  I also love fall for practical reasons including holidays that exclude me from work, warm beverages (hot toddies), the disappearance of mosquitos, snow days, minimized shaving of the legs (ladies know what I’m talking about), butternut squash soup, and the return of fall television.

Sad Bulldawg Saturday – my team lost this weekend. That’s all I can really say other than I still support them. This is not a season ending loss so I am not stressing it! Although it does make it difficult to face my non-UGA peers in the office but I will not shy away from confrontation or denounce my team for any reason.  I still bleed Red &Black and I’m ready to put the past (i.e. Saturday’s game that shall remain nameless) behind us…

Football Conundrum – my theory about the misalignment of my college and pro football teams was proven true this weekend. I think there is a causal relationship between the successes of one team that impacts the other.  When my college team wins my pro team loses and vice versa.  I want some sort of regression analysis done. The bad news I mentioned already but the good news is my Saints pulled out a W and Brees broke Johnny Unitas' record by throwing a touchdown pass in his 48^th consecutive game.  Congrats New Orleans and that win was much needed!  My other theory is that they only won because Coach was in proximity. We may need to consider sneaking him into games dressed as a mascot or something!

Fanship comes with great responsibility – over the weekend there were several stories of crazy fans gone awry. Primarily there was a story about the UGA QB having his house egged and rolled after the loss this weekend. An even bigger story was the KC Chiefs fans cheering the injury of their own quarterback.  I find it deplorable that people have eliminated a common regard for human decency and have forgotten players are people too.  Sure the media puts athletes on a pedestal but this game is meant to be celebrated and honored. Being a fan is about loyalty, illogical obsession, and contained hostility all in good fun! Fun being the word of importance! Never should you damage property, harm others, or lose your own integrity in the name of being a fan.  I was disappointed to see how far our society has come from the true spirit of sportsmanship. In true fall fashion remember the reason for the season people and behave yourselves.

Movies make the Difference- so I watched Chronicle this weekend and it was so much better than I expected. I feel bad I didn’t see it in a theater. Decent film about the dynamic nature of the human spirit and what happens when you give teens super powers! You already know…bad idea! Either way, I watched that film this weekend along with the Tall Man (a Jessica Biel straight to DVD film) and the both made me more socially aware. I learned to be nice to people, only kidnap children in poverty if your goal is to give them a better life, and always use surround sound! I really want to see Cloud Atlas and several other things so you can expect legitimate reviews in the future. 

Additional Random Thoughts – why are wings so compatible with football viewing? It’s so clever, simple and tasty!  It’s a perfect fit you know?! What would life be like if I got a real kitchen and could be the kitchen ninja master I am, in a proper setting (take that stove top fondue)! If I lived above a restaurant, I would never cook and would probably put on a lot of weight. Why are personal trainers and security guards so into me? What is the deal, do I emit pheromones specific to these professions? I need further research into this matter ASAP.  Why is my browser back button not working on my internet explorer? Seriously computer, stop being defiant and just go back to the previous screen! I really need to drink more water and consider working on my blog during weekend hours.

Happy Tuesday back in Reality People!

Pregnancy Phobic

Babies have been the radio topic two days in a row, so that was on my brain this morning. Babies are cute and adorable, until they aren’t.  I love kids and one day hope to have a few Rugats of my own (preferably not animated). But babies aren’t brought to you by teleport or stork they come straight from your stomach or uterus which ever you want to believe. The topic for discussion today is more focused on pregnancy. The nine letter word of doom as I refer to it!  Before I get too far into this, I am not pregnant (nor have I ever been); my birth control hasn’t failed me yet and for that I thank science.

I know pregnancy is an act that brings you the gift of life. Sure but it also brings you the gift of weight gain and crazy hormones. I’m looking forward to it like I look forward to pap smears or basketball season.  It’s a means to an end; a necessary activity that gets me to another goal; an uncomfortable fact of life. I know some women love being pregnant but I imagine that’s because movies and books over glamorize it.  My theory is it really isn’t all that fun. I have learned in my years working with pregnant women that it’s hot, heavy, uncomfortable, and more like an alien abduction than the baking of a cupcake (bun in the oven my ass).

The radio was doing a segment about young mothers, but these days a young mother is the rule not the exception.  Teenagers having babies (thanks Teen Mom 2 and 16 & Pregnant), sure it sucks because you miss prom and can’t go to college, but you can be a reality star so there is a tradeoff. Let’s be real, it probably sucks for other reasons, especially for those of us that are actually old enough to drive a car.  Aside from the multiple pregnancy-related complications that can occur, there are some serious things to consider when pregnant that people don’t talk about!  I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t share some of the concerns I have for the day when I’m classified as a breeder.  Here are the side effects of pregnancy that worry me:

Excessive Doctors’ Visits- sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room for hours is not an effective use of my time (pregnant or not). Then add needles and hands up my who-ha and that just makes me unhappy. My guess is I also have to pay co-pays for all these extra visits. I see what is happening here…

Gas /bloating with a side of Constipation – isn’t it enough to carry a baby but now I might have excessive gas and problems dropping a deuce!!!! How cruel and unfair is this process! Having a shitty day will have a very different meaning.

Hemorrhoids- it’s bad enough if you have to buy a pregnancy test but to make a lady buy hemorrhoid cream too is just unjust! Plus if you have to sit all day because of the extra weight or working an office job that is just uncomfortable.

Hormonal Uproar – some may say that I’m already an aggressive black woman. But I work hard to avoid Diary of a Mad Black Woman status! I don’t need hormonal imbalances ruining all my hard work. I’m always one thought away from being mean and several plots away from being a maniacal murdering genius. With hormones out of whack who knows what I might be capable of (friends don’t ask questions if you see me with a shove). I know a man that is concerned about that and I’m sure it worries many men in pregnancy situations.  Pregnancy crazy is right up there with serial killer crazy so proceed with caution.

Morning Sickness- first of all this does not just occur in the morning as the title implies. So aside from the false advertising, nausea and vomiting consistently are super annoying. There is never a good reason to throw-up unless you have been poisoned.

New wardrobe – some might think shopping is fun. Pregnant shopping I can assure you is not fun! I have worked maternity retail and I never met a happy pregnant woman buying clothes. New sizes, new terminology, new techniques (clips, extenders, belly bands). It’s a whole new world out there and it all makes you feel like a beached whale!

No alcohol – the hardest pill to swallow is the no alcohol.  This is some sort of conspiracy because you know as soon as you get pregnant everybody and their mama is going to have a party and forcible remind you what you are missing out on.  I have done it to people – poured salt in the “you can’t drink” wound! I know karma will catch up with me so I’m just going to drink as much as I can now. It’s like giving up alcohol for Lent; we all regret it but this last for 9 months so it sucks more! Why can’t they just set up an alcohol IV drip post baby?!  Sneak wine into the hospital so I know it’s real…

No sushi or deli meat - dietary restrictions are going to be hard for me! I know there are bacterial risks with certain foods. But really no sushi? That’s cruel and unusual. Sushi is one of my food groups; my other food group is deli sandwiches. I will starve to death without those items. So I have to starve so my baby can live? Logic I see none.

Pregnancy Brain - This is no myth, in the first and third trimester, women can actually suffer from short-term memory loss and forgetfulness. I already have a bad memory so my worry is this will be exponential worse for me. Pregnancy Alzheimer’s means you will have to point me in the right direction and hope for the best.   

Sleeplessness - um sleep is right up there with sex and eating as the most important activity in life. Don’t take that away from me (ever).  Having an infant is already sleep depriving but what you’re telling me is that I have to suffer before the baby even gets here! This seems wrong and I want to protest!

Soreness - they say your boobs get bigger which I’m all for but they can also get sore and that is a negative. What’s the point of these awesome big boobs if they hurt?! Boo to Boobs!

Swollen extremities (edema) - hands, feet, and face swelling is funny looking and awkward.  I want to be able to wear my shoes and a regular pair of gloves in the winter. Swelling should be reserved for broken bones and plastic surgery.  It should not be a side effect of pregnancy. My belly swells that is enough and I have it on good authority that it doesn’t shrink once the baby comes out (you actually have to exercise to get rid of the stomach)! CURSES!!!!!

Family Stress – this side effect occurs from external sources, mainly grandparents and other close relatives. You can no longer avoid family functions or prevent people from knowing your address because there is now a baby involved. People who love the creature syphoning off your nutrients start providing advice, throwing parties, and rubbing your belly.  Let’s look but don’t touch people and in lieu of sending 1000 crazy outfits just send gift cards and money (stuff people can use).

I haven’t even scratched the surface. We could talk about peer jealousy or group thought, activity involvement, and the side effects on the wallet but I think you all get my point. Pregnancy is serious business and shouldn’t be entered into lightly.  I’m not sure how 16 year olds do it because the 29 year old me is terrified! To all my pregnant friends I salute your strength, resolve, and psychosis. I have a diaper cake with your name on it! Remember if celebrities can do it, so can you (minus the nannies and money of course)! Go you, push that alien out. Claim back your body when it turns 2 and then consider doing it again. I will live vicariously through you!

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Late night conversations with friends lead to early morning despondent me, an exhausted and sleep deprived LC.  In my tired state this morning, all I can think about is a full body massage. Like many of the other suckers in the world I have a membership to Massage Envy.  I’m charged $50 or something like that a month for a one-hour massage that I never seem to use!

I feel a strong need to invest in a personal masseuse.  Male friends this is not an open invitation for you to offer your “services”. I want a trained professional, legitimate masseuse.   I need relaxation in my world right now. I have a ton going on (which is what I enjoy) but occasionally my “burn the candle at both ends” lifestyle can be exhausting.  I seriously just want someone to rub my muscles until they are putty.  I will probably forget this strong desire and not call Massage Envy and book my appointment, but I digress.

Moving on to my next thought; Friends are an important part of your personal sustainability. They are the culmination of energies you need to deal with trauma, celebrate milestones, and meander through this crazy journey called life.  Good friends are hard to find and keep these days but once you have friends that you can trust and depend on you are solid gold! Take care of the people in your life build them up, tell them the truth out of love, help them get rid of evidence, and help them get intoxicated when they are trying to forget.  Friends are important and there are some things real friends should do; yes I have spelled them out for you:

·         Adult friends know they can call you before 8am because you are headed to work (they also work)

·         College Friends are SEC fans (Go Dawgs)

·         Friends actually shop off your gift registry but still ask what you need

·         Friends answer the phone at 1:00am

·         Friends are invited to your milestones (Weddings, baby showers, End-of-Summer BBQs)

·         Friends are welcome around your family (parents, kids, spouses, etc)

·         Friends don’t let friends go to hell (think about it)

·         Friends don’t send chain letters, forwards, or phishing scams to your email (if this happens by mistake a real friend will call you and let you know not to open the email)

·         Friends don’t sleep with each other’s spouses or significant others

·         Friends have photos and secrets that they will gladly take to the grave (you have the same dirt on them, it’s only fair)

·         Friends help you get into spanx (only applies to females)

·         Friends help you pick a theme song (think Ally McBeal circa 1999)

·         Friends know how to reach you at work and never call unless it’s an emergency (i.e. engagement, cheating scandal, sickness, family issue, work complaint, etc)

·         Friends know where you live (because they probably helped you move)

·         Friends over 30 don’t ask you to borrow money

·         Friends pick you up from the airport not just the train station

·         Friends quote how long they have known you in years and/or incidents (the break-up of 2001; we go back to middle school; remember that time at band camp)

·         Friends talk you out of bad decisions or hold your hand despite them (No I told you so, just how can I help)

·         Friends understand and embody loyalty (pledge allegiance to our friendship)

·         Friends use Scoutmob or Groupon (to save you both money at dinner)

·         Friends use the phone or face-to-face interaction to wish you well (FB is for public display and people that don’t actually know your birthdate)

·         Good Friends tell you NO

·        Married/Involved Friends confirm your spouse/significant other is foolish/crazy *insert appropriate* adjective here but remind you that you love each other

·         Real Friends know what Ride or Die means!!!

·         Real Friends love you for you

I know they say people come and go into your life like seasons and that is often true of many friendships. As you get older the qualities you value in relationships and friends evolve.  The reason you build connections with people starts to become situationally dependent. No matter who and why just be sure that you value and nurture your friendships because they are important.

Listen to Whodini http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tECCvdWEweA



Real Friends stick together even when things get messy!



Family Ties cause Growing Pains

I received an email this morning that irritated me. Without going into detail, it made me realize some very key points about dealing with family, specifically siblings. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an only child. I do have a sister who is just as talented and smart as I am.  Unfortunately that is where the similarities end. In true fashion we are complete opposites, with very different world views and there is nothing wrong with that until we are in a room together.  Dealing with each other is complicated, difficult, and utterly chaotic.  I am certainly a subscriber to love but don’t like.  I love my sister but I sure as hell don’t like her a good 75% of the time.

I learned some valuable lessons from reading my morning email that I have decided to share with others:

·         Aggravation Never Sleeps – apparently 5:40 am is prime email writing time. Hell, according to my upstairs neighbor it is also a great time to vacuum and listen to music, so why not. If you are upset or angry about me offering you help 2 months ago why take the time to email me at 5am. Feel free to call me my number hasn’t changed!  Apparently, 2 months is a reasonable time frame for an email response. That shit cray; crayfish that is (dirty, bottom –feeding but enjoyable when boiled). Deliciously entertaining indeed!

·         Tone and Tact – when you interact with family some common observances that you would have with strangers tend to vanish.  Why is there this level of comfort with family that equates to the elimination of tact? People are people including your family.  Tact goes a long way with all but in the absence of it manage your tone effectively. ALL CAPS are never necessary and how you talk to me needs to change. Let me also pull a point from Talladega Nights just because you say “don’t take offense” before you speak doesn’t give you license to say whatever you want.  I will Shake and Bake you…believe it!  

·         Expectation of Privacy – when dealing with family much like the government there is no expectation of privacy. Everybody will and does want to know your business but me! Moms gossip, grandparents worry and family reunions are prime real estate for talking about the black sheep. If you have a problem with that, don’t be the black sheep. Otherwise suck it up we all deal with it.

·         Entitlement – entitlement does not exist in family dynamics. Respect is earned; Trust is earned; Compassion and tolerance are optional. You can’t just talk to people any kind of way.  You can’t expect respect without giving some. You don’t get a free pass on paying back debts and you should still say thank you when people take time, money, and leave to help you out.  Everybody’s time is precious not just yours. Everybody’s life is busy, not just yours. 

·         Age ain’t nothin but a number – this is more than a song, it is a statement of truth. As far as family goes they tend to treat you how they see you. That’s why your aunts still call you by your childhood nickname or why you still have difficulty as an adult cussing around your grandparents. It’s just what happens. In my case, I will treat you how you act, capeesh?!

·         Messengers are for the lazy – if you have issues with someone address them directly. Don’t send me information so I can be the messenger. You got beef, then take it to their streets don’t take it to my email inbox.  

·         Salty Lies –just a mental note that the truth is relative to the day of the week.  *heavy sigh* Insanity really is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Family makes you insane.

·         We are family by blood not by choice – I didn’t get to choose you! We are bonded by DNA kiddo.  We all have family we wouldn’t deal with if we weren’t related.  So tread lightly…Blood is thicker than water, until it is diluted. You can only do so much to people before family ties start to unravel. I’m going to banish myself like they do in movies; be excommunicated from the tribe so I don’t have to deal with this foolishness. I love you but I don’t have to deal with you, you gon learn that today!

·         Thugnificient - Holla at a playa when you see me on the street trick and then say what you have to say about the money you owe me!

The ideal family fantasy in my head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s44v6VlyGHU is often overshadowed by something more real http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDRNE7sL0rc but that's life sometimes.

Yes, I know I didn’t use a reference from the Cosby Show, I was making a non-race specific point!  I do however, still aspire to be Clair Huxtable and eat obscene amounts of jello. Enjoy your Monday folks!

Insult to Injury

Those in my inner circle are fully aware of my clumsy nature. Yes I walk in to stationary objects, even when sober. I also have fits of what I call “fumble fingers” where I drop things randomly and without just cause.  Only because I can laugh at myself do I share these inner secrets with the world.

Yesterday, in true accident prone fashion, I actually slipped and fell on Stone Mountain.  In my defense it was raining. Also in my defense it wasn’t raining when I started.  2 days a week me and a fabulous Jamaican lady that I know, hike up and down the Mountain of Stone (as I like to call it).  We get our physical fitness on, talk shit, take photos of people inappropriately dressed, appreciate the beauty of tone abdominal muscles, and complain about the heat. It has been written in the prophecy to occur for an entire summer.

As you may have read I went out of town about 2 weeks ago and then celebrated my birthday. So for reasons well within my control we did not go on our weekly adventure. I have a no workout rule for the week of my birth, because I want to enjoy every calorie I indulge in! To get back in the swing of things we decided to go on Monday (to avoid rain which was scheduled for Tuesday our regular workout day).

So I lace up my shoes, put on my 80-‘s style head band and get ready to get physical as Olivia Newton John plays in my head! I was ready to take on the evening. I should have known things weren’t going to go my way when we hit traffic. We never hit traffic, odd I thought not knowing the misfortune heading my way. We detour but arrive to our destination only a few minutes behind schedule to find nothing but parking spots. How odd I thought, we always have to drive around. 

Up we climb, tired, winded, out of breath.  We reach the top and take in the view. A view of dark clouds and extreme winds; much like in the movies my spidey-sense kicked into full gear.  Jamaican Houston we have a problem. We have to hustle down this mountain before the rain starts. So hustle we did and much like a ninja gliding through a battle I was jumping off rocks and running down paths. Passing women with babies and elderly power walkers; fighting a race against the clock.

We get halfway down when it begins to rain. My immediate concern was my cell phone and my ipod, so I wrapped them both in a towel and kept it movin. I watched people slip; I helped a woman who fell and did my best to avoid the water puddles forming every minute.  With my glasses covered in rain and my heart pounding, I looked up and saw the finish line, the start of the path, the end of my workout journey. Then I see a woman almost fall so in true ninja fashion I move right to avoid her fate, only to find a 5 year old about to fall. I made an impressive effort to save his fragile and young life by diving to his aid.  I slip, I fall, I suffer injury but the boy was ok and that was all that mattered.

Unfortunately that is not how it happened. No children were harmed in the telling of this story.  In actuality, I moved right only to land in a puddle of water, losing my footing falling backwards.  Yes there were witnesses, yes I yelled obscenities. Yes I hurt myself. After being helped to my feet and appreciating the irony of falling all at the end of my workout, I departed Stone Mountain, rain soaked and sore.

I do want to clarify that when you are about to die your life doesn’t actually flash before your eyes but you do hear Robin Leach (Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous) tell you to brace yourself for impact and to have champagne wishes and caviar dreams.  I know, not what I expected either!

Thanks to the Film Majors team for wrapping my wrist and helping me ice it and heat it at the same damn time. Thanks to Doc McStuffins (check out Nick Jr) for helping me know when to seek medical care.  Shout-out to Emory for seeing me this morning, diagnosing my sprain, and letting me know if it ain’t broke you can still fix it.  Thanks to my friends for laughing behind my back and not to my face, 29 year old slip and fall injuries are hilarious so I applaud you. I clearly need to live in a protective bubble to avoid future occurrences.

Lesson Learned: Don’t work out just starve yourself to lose weight, it’s safer!
*I’m kidding people we all know I love food too much for all that

I am officially too old for this shit!!!!


This is not my hand! LOL



Woman of Virtue (What If Friday)

Happy Friday! As my birthday week comes to a close, I’m yet again posed with another question from If (Questions for the Game of Life). Remember, my goal is to invoke thought, and encourage randomness all at the same time. 

Question: If you were to have only one of the prime virtues, which one would you want to possess?

Before I answered this question, I needed to identify the prime virtues.  So I could decide which one I prioritized above the others. According to the internet, there are 7 prime virtues which I have defined for your benefit (and mine).

1.      Compassion - a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate suffering.  Will you give up the last teriyaki wing because I had a bad day?!    

2.      Admiration - a feeling of wonder, pleasure, or approval; the act of looking on or contemplating with pleasure; an object of wonder, pleasure, or approval.  Respect is better than infamy, just ask Lindsey Lohan?!                           

3.      Wisdom - the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.  Do you speak and understand Confucius?!      

4.      Trust - reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence; confident expectation of something.  Do you do what you say you will?!    

5.      Truth - conformity with fact or reality; a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle. Will you pass a lie detector?!

6.      Courage - the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. Will you fight somebody addicted to bath salts?!

7.      Spirituality - the quality or fact of being spiritual; incorporeal or immaterial nature; predominantly spiritual character as shown in thought, life, etc.; spiritual tendency or tone. Is God the first person in your acceptance speech?!

Now that I know my choices my answer is Wisdom! For multiple reasons, I think wisdom sets me up to have all the other virtues in some capacity. Insight is beneficial in life and important when making decisions or reflecting on circumstances. Seeing as how life is a series of choices and actions, I feel wisdom will benefit me much more than the other virtues. Besides a wise person knows when to exercise compassion, what is admirable, who to trust, how to navigate truth, what comprises courage, and the importance of spirituality.  Essentially a wise person can be all knowing and super powerful! I also think some of the most influential role models in life are considered wise!

I’m sure all God’s friends think he is wise! Ghandi is wise!  Think about it Leonardo Da Vinci, Andrew Carnegie, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstien, Ralph Waldo Emerson all wise and insightful individuals. Also famous, rich, and super bad ass!

Besides I totally speak Confucius and everybody knows understanding Chinese proverbs means you have wisdom!

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. – Confucius

Talk does not cook rice. – Chinese Proverb that means get off your butt and make the rice you lazy bum!

See I am already wise beyond my years…