Insult to Injury

Those in my inner circle are fully aware of my clumsy nature. Yes I walk in to stationary objects, even when sober. I also have fits of what I call “fumble fingers” where I drop things randomly and without just cause.  Only because I can laugh at myself do I share these inner secrets with the world.

Yesterday, in true accident prone fashion, I actually slipped and fell on Stone Mountain.  In my defense it was raining. Also in my defense it wasn’t raining when I started.  2 days a week me and a fabulous Jamaican lady that I know, hike up and down the Mountain of Stone (as I like to call it).  We get our physical fitness on, talk shit, take photos of people inappropriately dressed, appreciate the beauty of tone abdominal muscles, and complain about the heat. It has been written in the prophecy to occur for an entire summer.

As you may have read I went out of town about 2 weeks ago and then celebrated my birthday. So for reasons well within my control we did not go on our weekly adventure. I have a no workout rule for the week of my birth, because I want to enjoy every calorie I indulge in! To get back in the swing of things we decided to go on Monday (to avoid rain which was scheduled for Tuesday our regular workout day).

So I lace up my shoes, put on my 80-‘s style head band and get ready to get physical as Olivia Newton John plays in my head! I was ready to take on the evening. I should have known things weren’t going to go my way when we hit traffic. We never hit traffic, odd I thought not knowing the misfortune heading my way. We detour but arrive to our destination only a few minutes behind schedule to find nothing but parking spots. How odd I thought, we always have to drive around. 

Up we climb, tired, winded, out of breath.  We reach the top and take in the view. A view of dark clouds and extreme winds; much like in the movies my spidey-sense kicked into full gear.  Jamaican Houston we have a problem. We have to hustle down this mountain before the rain starts. So hustle we did and much like a ninja gliding through a battle I was jumping off rocks and running down paths. Passing women with babies and elderly power walkers; fighting a race against the clock.

We get halfway down when it begins to rain. My immediate concern was my cell phone and my ipod, so I wrapped them both in a towel and kept it movin. I watched people slip; I helped a woman who fell and did my best to avoid the water puddles forming every minute.  With my glasses covered in rain and my heart pounding, I looked up and saw the finish line, the start of the path, the end of my workout journey. Then I see a woman almost fall so in true ninja fashion I move right to avoid her fate, only to find a 5 year old about to fall. I made an impressive effort to save his fragile and young life by diving to his aid.  I slip, I fall, I suffer injury but the boy was ok and that was all that mattered.

Unfortunately that is not how it happened. No children were harmed in the telling of this story.  In actuality, I moved right only to land in a puddle of water, losing my footing falling backwards.  Yes there were witnesses, yes I yelled obscenities. Yes I hurt myself. After being helped to my feet and appreciating the irony of falling all at the end of my workout, I departed Stone Mountain, rain soaked and sore.

I do want to clarify that when you are about to die your life doesn’t actually flash before your eyes but you do hear Robin Leach (Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous) tell you to brace yourself for impact and to have champagne wishes and caviar dreams.  I know, not what I expected either!

Thanks to the Film Majors team for wrapping my wrist and helping me ice it and heat it at the same damn time. Thanks to Doc McStuffins (check out Nick Jr) for helping me know when to seek medical care.  Shout-out to Emory for seeing me this morning, diagnosing my sprain, and letting me know if it ain’t broke you can still fix it.  Thanks to my friends for laughing behind my back and not to my face, 29 year old slip and fall injuries are hilarious so I applaud you. I clearly need to live in a protective bubble to avoid future occurrences.

Lesson Learned: Don’t work out just starve yourself to lose weight, it’s safer!
*I’m kidding people we all know I love food too much for all that

I am officially too old for this shit!!!!


This is not my hand! LOL