I received an email this morning that irritated me. Without going into detail, it made me realize some very key points about dealing with family, specifically siblings. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an only child. I do have a sister who is just as talented and smart as I am. Unfortunately that is where the similarities end. In true fashion we are complete opposites, with very different world views and there is nothing wrong with that until we are in a room together. Dealing with each other is complicated, difficult, and utterly chaotic. I am certainly a subscriber to love but don’t like. I love my sister but I sure as hell don’t like her a good 75% of the time.
I learned some valuable lessons from reading my morning email that I have decided to share with others:
· Aggravation Never Sleeps – apparently 5:40 am is prime email writing time. Hell, according to my upstairs neighbor it is also a great time to vacuum and listen to music, so why not. If you are upset or angry about me offering you help 2 months ago why take the time to email me at 5am. Feel free to call me my number hasn’t changed! Apparently, 2 months is a reasonable time frame for an email response. That shit cray; crayfish that is (dirty, bottom –feeding but enjoyable when boiled). Deliciously entertaining indeed!
· Tone and Tact – when you interact with family some common observances that you would have with strangers tend to vanish. Why is there this level of comfort with family that equates to the elimination of tact? People are people including your family. Tact goes a long way with all but in the absence of it manage your tone effectively. ALL CAPS are never necessary and how you talk to me needs to change. Let me also pull a point from Talladega Nights just because you say “don’t take offense” before you speak doesn’t give you license to say whatever you want. I will Shake and Bake you…believe it!
· Expectation of Privacy – when dealing with family much like the government there is no expectation of privacy. Everybody will and does want to know your business but me! Moms gossip, grandparents worry and family reunions are prime real estate for talking about the black sheep. If you have a problem with that, don’t be the black sheep. Otherwise suck it up we all deal with it.
· Entitlement – entitlement does not exist in family dynamics. Respect is earned; Trust is earned; Compassion and tolerance are optional. You can’t just talk to people any kind of way. You can’t expect respect without giving some. You don’t get a free pass on paying back debts and you should still say thank you when people take time, money, and leave to help you out. Everybody’s time is precious not just yours. Everybody’s life is busy, not just yours.
· Age ain’t nothin but a number – this is more than a song, it is a statement of truth. As far as family goes they tend to treat you how they see you. That’s why your aunts still call you by your childhood nickname or why you still have difficulty as an adult cussing around your grandparents. It’s just what happens. In my case, I will treat you how you act, capeesh?!
· Messengers are for the lazy – if you have issues with someone address them directly. Don’t send me information so I can be the messenger. You got beef, then take it to their streets don’t take it to my email inbox.
· Salty Lies –just a mental note that the truth is relative to the day of the week. *heavy sigh* Insanity really is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Family makes you insane.
· We are family by blood not by choice – I didn’t get to choose you! We are bonded by DNA kiddo. We all have family we wouldn’t deal with if we weren’t related. So tread lightly…Blood is thicker than water, until it is diluted. You can only do so much to people before family ties start to unravel. I’m going to banish myself like they do in movies; be excommunicated from the tribe so I don’t have to deal with this foolishness. I love you but I don’t have to deal with you, you gon learn that today!
· Thugnificient - Holla at a playa when you see me on the street trick and then say what you have to say about the money you owe me!
The ideal family fantasy in my head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s44v6VlyGHU is often overshadowed by something more real http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDRNE7sL0rc but that's life sometimes.
Yes, I know I didn’t use a reference from the Cosby Show, I was making a non-race specific point! I do however, still aspire to be Clair Huxtable and eat obscene amounts of jello. Enjoy your Monday folks!
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