Cupcake Campaign

The power of cupcakes is phenomenal. I started of this morning at the crack of dawn (aka 6:00am) feeling sick and unmotivated. Despite that I came to work 40 minutes early and got to the business of getting things accomplished. Sending emails, finishing reports, being busy!

In true Thursday fashion somebody wanted to get out of pocket on email causing my blood pressure to rise. High blood pressure when I’m sick is dangerous; I end up making rude and hostile decisions.  Respecting elders is important but if those elders are peers due to your work environment are you allowed to disrespect them? What is the etiquette for chumping older co-workers? Can somebody put that in a handbook or employee manual? 

Anyway as my outlook for the day began to look bleak like a goddess sent from the heavens, my fabulous coworker (who isn’t a crazy elder) comes by to suggest cupcakes for lunch!  This is genius!!! Why didn’t I think of that?!  One of the benefits of being an adult is that I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I may get fat if I make it a habit but if I want breakfast for dinner, or ice cream as a meal I have that luxury!   So cupcakes for lunch it is! 

Then I started thinking about the beauty of the cupcake! Let’s discuss what makes them so great and wonderful!

·         Ability to order in bulk

·         Can be used to bribe children (or adults)

·         Cannot be consumed by robots (no worry of theft from AI life forms)

·         Cheaper than an actual cake

·         Easily thrown ( weapon function)

·         Easy to make

·         Fun toppings

·         Hand held and portable

·         It’s not a cake so I don’t have to feel bad about eating the entire thing (its actually expected)

·         Packed with flavor and frosting, and all sorts of sugary goodness

·         Less calories in one bite

·         Often accompanied by parties

·         They are nondiscriminatory (bipartisan and not prejudice at all)

·         Versatility  and customizability

·         Worthy of blogging about

I was also reminded of the fat kid living inside this slim physique! Food brings me a special kind of Joy that nothing else does! Just the mention of cupcakes brightened my day and consumed my thoughts. It made me excited and erased all my antagonistic feelings.  It’s like floating on a frosting cloud of peace!  Some foods just make the world a better place! That is why they serve them at office parties, their ability to unite enemies and right wrongs! So I thank you cupcakes in all your glory; thank you for making my soul sparkle brighter and infusing energy into my lethargic day.  I salute your sweet, soft, and cakey goodness! I would give you the Nobel Peace prize if I could! I want to live in Cupcake nation and as a red-blooded American I vote for them; can we add cupcakes to the presidential Ballot? I’m just saying….petition coming soon!

To those of you watching your weight or eating healthy…I do not apologize for the glorification of cupcakes in this blog! I believe in your ability to resist, especially because that means more cupcakes for me! You can do it!!!!

Presidential Secret Weapon

Wednesday Morning Meandering

I have been uber busy and regret not blogging yesterday. I had so much to discuss and it all escapes me at the very moment I decided to put fingers to keyboard. Alas, I will not be deterred and will share my random thoughts regardless. Labor Day, Football, and Hurricane’s oh my!

Football, Mon Amour – I have discussed this on many occasions but it is finally happening! Tomorrow is the start of the college football season!!!!! South Carolina vs Vanderbilt will have my undivided attention.  Welcome back SEC football, you are the international boyfriend I plan to marry! You stay with me on a 5 month visa then return to your home country. I love you so much while you’re here and miss you when you go. It leaves a hole in my heart so big it could fit a football field.  Your sister NFL supports me through the pain, reminding me of you and all your amazing glory. But alas her Visa expires too and then I am left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart! I guess this is what I get for a long distance love affair! Welcome back my sweet, I will cherish you for as long as we have!!!! While you are here we will have ups and downs (wins and losses), but we can spend quality time together, dress up, and celebrate with friends. The pets are all ready for your return, especially UGA our Bulldawg! I’m not sure what he did to your Gator (it was probably well deserved that thing is a nuisance)! We welcomed some new neighbors since your last visit and I look forward to them meeting you; they’re from Missouri and Texas. They might be overwhelmed at first but that’s expected you have that effect on people! I did try to date other sports but couldn’t bring myself to ruin what we have; it’s not worth it! I’m sorry it won’t happen again, I love you too much to lose you over something foolish. Let me make it up to you, how about a date September 8^th? Je t'aime. Aller les chiens (I love you, Go dawgs)!

In all seriousness I’m ready to drink beer and cheer for my team! Goooooooo Dawgs, Sic’em Woof Woof Woof Woof!

Labor Day Lock Up - I have no clue what to do for Labor Day! What I do know is this weekend I will attend a wedding. Congrats J & B, not Jay-z and Beyoncé people they are already married and clearly not friends of mine. I will celebrate my Grandmother’s birthday from afar *sad face* Happy 90^th Grandma! I will take my first knife fighting lesson on Sunday! Oh yeah I’m gonna be a professionally trained badass! Then I have to actually figure out what I’m doing for Labor Day! I vote sleeping because it is my only day off this weekend (even though it is a Monday). I would love to grill but I don’t currently own one and I would never, never grill on my apartment “community” grills! I have a sneaking suspicion that they are never cleaned and often used inappropriately. I don’t know how one inappropriately uses a grill but I’m sure my neighbors have found a way. 

Cough Cough – I hope I’m not getting sick but my throat is itchy and I am congested.  You already know how I feel about being sick! So Airborne is on deck but seriously, ain’t nobody got time for that!   Tonight I will get some good sleep and hope for the best.

Hurricane Season - as Hurricane Isaac continues to wobble through Louisiana, I pray for the safety and security of my family and the residence of Louisiana and Mississippi being affected by the storm. They are projecting this bastard will stir up trouble and flooding through Thursday! No mandatory evacuations were ordered inside New Orleans, I know many people are riding this Cat 1 out. Stay strong folk, mix up some daiquiris, put on a pot of gumbo and let the good times roll!  I’m with you in spirit and in wallet (gas out here is $3.94 for unleaded). If you need a hurracation my sleeper sofa is available!

I have to get ready for some meetings, duty calls. But now you know what was on my mind this morning! You may now return to your regularly scheduled program… Have a great hump day people!

Weekend Warrior

As usual my weekend was packed with excitement and valuable life lessons! I wanted to highlight a few things so you are all caught up on the realities of my life.

Moving – yes I have to move in October and so far the extent of my looking is printing a list of apartments to visit in person someday when I have a free weekend, which is never!

Bureaucracy is annoying – so we all know I work for a government entity. All I will say is there was this one time when I submitted paperwork on time ( 5 months in advance even) to attend a conference; it wasn’t processed on time and now I have to be inconvenienced and  cheated out of learning funds because of somebody else’s mistake. So irritated right now!

Volunteering- Courtesy of Dr. PT (aka Megs) I was able to volunteer at the Atlanta Kids Triathalon this weekend. I learned several things from this fun experience:

A)     I am not a triathloner.  There are 8 year olds more equipped to participate in this athletic experience than I am! I am perfectly ok with that because I know my limitations.

B)     5:00 am is really early and really dark but I can do it with the proper amount of sleep.

C)     Organization is key when you have volunteers coming to help. Please don’t ask them to move tin pans from table to table so you can figure out what they should really be doing.

D)     Helicopter parents are irritating and high strung. Take a chill pill, relax and breathe. It is just a race! Equally, absentee parents should be bound and gagged. How dare you leave your kids without proper supplies or self-esteem and then disappear leaving volunteers to pick up the pieces.  Try to stay in the middle of the spectrum folks; supportive but firm, available when needed but at a distance, it helps tremendously.

E)      Kids are unfiltered, fun, and full of questions. “No I don’t know where your swim cap is, no I don’t have ice cream, yes your mom is in the audience ready to watch you kick butt in swimming, and no I don’t know your race number”! For the record, kids should not be forced into competition or they will crack like fine China. I witnessed some true meltdowns especially in the 6-10 age group! Tantrums are tantrums but don’t push your kids too hard that young. They will end up abusing drugs, starting revolutionary wars, or profiled on the TrueCrime channel.

Men don’t follow directions – I work with some gentlemen that continue to annoy the piss out of me!  Why is it so difficult for men to follow directions?  I type out notes, what to do, how to do it, and when to be ready but as always that is too much for the male species.  But then they wonder why I’m mad! We’ll let me tell you… it takes valuable time and energy for me to prepare things so you don’t have to! It is annoying when you are a busy person and commit to a project but other team members are non-responsive or irresponsible. My time is just as valuable as yours so when you don’t do what you are supposed to it prevents me from getting shit done! It’s really simple, do what you say you will, don’t commit to something if you aren’t available, and read your damn email! Don’t make me put paws on you!!!!!

Untraditional woman- I confirmed this weekend what I already know to be true. I’m an untraditional female.  Yes, I occasionally think like a man but have emotional outbursts. Yes I like sports and grill a mean hamburger. Yes I dislike the color pink and hate shopping malls. I play xbox (at 29) and love action movies. But I learned this weekend that I am absolutely clueless about rings and diamonds (further proving my case)!  No my wedding ring is not picked out in my head, no I don’t fantasize about what that would look like. I‘m clueless and easily bamboozled when it comes to rings and I think they sort of all look the same (I’m a ring-racist).  I have no knowledge about cuts, clarities, and all that diamond lingo. Until this weekend, I had never been in a jewelry store (Yes you read that correctly)!! All in all, I’m just not innately concerned with those kinds of things. I would much rather a Smart TV and a nice house to put it in! I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and probably will continue that trend unless I’m dressing up for something or wearing a wedding ring (a deal is a deal)! 

Don’t call in case of Emergency– so Tropical Storm Isaac is brewing and yet again I’m reminded I don’t have to worry about that for work! YAY and I’m not on call! I do however worry about my family in the Gulf Coast and encourage them to practice preparedness and drink responsibly *smile*   

TV Terrific – let me start by saying I watched SNF (aka Sunday Night Football) last night and although it was the Jets and Panthers I was watching football which makes me happy! I do want to say the new NFL network commercials are hilarious.  That Blue-suited dandy entertains me much like the World’s Most Interesting man! Now talk to him about man hugs and winning, he has a little ding dong for your liberty bell and knows a thing or two. Check it out!!!!

TNF commercial- http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Id4BAk1vKXM

TNF (Rooftop) commercial - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pDAMEatKp0&feature=player_embedded

Fantasy Football commercial - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WMkNKlZjew0

I also watched the season finale of Trueblood! Let me just say kudos HBO you have out done yourselves again!  The cliff hangers were astounding fairy quadruplets for the sheriff; Jessica in love; Lesbian maker romance; Shifters being outed on national TV; complete slaughter of the Vampire council; Russell pays the price; newly crowned Pack Master; and in fulfillment of the scriptures Bill rose again!  I can’t wait until next season to see where you take us, but please be sure that Lafayette is my tour guide. “Save room for dessert. I ain't gonna tell ya'll what it is, but best believe it's gonna be flaming!”

Well that just about does it folks! I will have to wait 5 more days to wear my weekend warrior badge again but I will use the week days to recover and prepare.  I encourage you to do the same! As always, I love my friends; S/O to Ash for updating me on life, love, and weave ownership!

Assassination Amusement (What If Friday)

Happy Fun Friday! I’m up bright and early (6:15am) and decided to start my day with another installment of If (Questions for the Game of Life). I hope everyone is doing well and avoiding  school buses while in transit to wherever you are going!  Today’s If question is a weird one but that won’t deter me from answering! 

Question: If you had to assassinate one famous person who is alive right now, who would it be and how would you do it!

In the interest of my safety and security, I want to start by saying this is a hypothetical situation and I would never assassinate anyone!

With that in mind I approached this from several angles. I realized I couldn’t finalize a method until I decided on a target. First, I thought who do I dislike enough to take out of the game. Kim Kardashian was on the top of that list, as was Bill O’Reilly, and the entire cast of Jersey Shore or Jerseylicious.  Then I realized that most of these folks are reality stars and they will only annoy me until the next crop of folks comes to take their place.  I also realized that if they are dead then I won’t have programs to make fun of which made me sad; its a love hate relationship people.

Then I thought who needs to be silenced because their celebrity status is becoming ridiculously inappropriate (deity level). Immediately I thought Lady Gaga but without her I would lack dance club tunes to motivate me while cleaning my house. What about Justin Bieber?! But alas if he goes hormonal teenage girls (and boys) across the world will rise up much like the Lycans and try to overthrow governments. Anarchy will ensue and the world will be cast back into the dark ages! I don’t want to live in the dark ages, catching my own food and not having electricity both make me nervous.

My next approach was to think of famous people leaving a negative impact on this world; Charlie Sheen, the Cast of any VH1 TV program (past and present); clearly that list was way too long and difficult to narrow down to one. So I thought who would probably want to move on to the afterlife at this time, you know a mercy killing. That would include anybody on Dancing with the Stars, panel judges for any and all singing competitions (except the Voice), Celebrity Fit Club contestants, and the list goes on and on!

Finally I decided to go with my first instinct! Who was the first name to come to mind and why! In a nutshell the answer to this question is Tom Cruise.  Why Maverick you ask?  Well think about it Tommy Boy is a danger to himself and society.  He is using smoke and mirrors trickery to make you think he is taller than 5’7. Any man that puts stilts in his shoes deserves to be eliminated. Secondly, he attacks Matt Lauer and put his dirty shoes on Oprah’s couch…no sir!  Thirdly, he is a Scientology Warlord promoting propaganda using technology, movie star fame, and irrational fast talk to usher in a new era of religious zealots! I mean any religion that teaches you that people are immortal beings who have forgotten their true nature, auditing is a way to resolve problems, limits teachings based on levels of initiation ($$$$), only provides materials and services to those that are paid in full, preaches that souls reincarnate after living on other planets, declares the practice of psychiatry as  destructive and abusive but whose founder is a hypnotist (which is a technique of psychology) sounds pretty hazy and ingenious to me! Why didn’t I think of this?! But the reality is that mass cults are dangerous people. I’m going to stop talking about Scientology before these folks try to take me out the game; they have a history of silencing nay-sayers! Do you Scientologist, you can keep Tommy and John Travolta we don’t want them anymore!

Now that I have the who, Tom Cruise under lord of the Neververse, I need a how.  Based on his superior action hero skills, technology and alien focused belief system, and affinity for tall submissive women I would use a female alien super being to assassinate Tom Cruise.  She would infiltrate his inner circle; gain his trust and access to his boudoir. In the throes of old man passion she would transform into a super robot (she is capable of that because she is a mechanically based bioengineered life form from another planet) and the kill him by vaporizing his body into micro particles. She will then assume his likeness (like Invasion of the Body Snatchers) and go on national TV and very public right his wrongs including apologizing for Mission Impossible 4 – Ghost Protocol.

Well there you have it people! Tom Cruise, in the bedroom, a victim of Miss Scarlett the alien robot! Does anybody else remember the game Clue????

Doodle your Google

Today while working on web content I listened to a recorded panel discussion featuring Google Doodlers.  I recognize I’m an uber nerd and that listening to an entire presentation on Google doodles may only be appealing to me.  However, the discussion in this video made me think about how we infuse art and entertainment into our environment to alleviate the mundaneness of adulthood.  

Google employees truly seem to enjoy their work, which I’m jealous about, but the rest of us still have to deal with the moments of humdrum in ordinary time. How many meetings have you been in where you starting doodling on your notes page?!  Believe me my friends, it’s more than just passing time, doodles help humanize the tedious tasks and activities of the work day. They enhance your ability to cope with the traumas of being an adult (i.e. work, responsibility, and commitments.  They are a mechanism for survival!!!

Think about all the activities you participate in just to capture those childhood feelings and numb your adult pain. Karaoke, anything X-box or PlayStation, painting parties (check out Sips N Strokes Toco Hills), game night, sporting events, etc;  a large portion of our entertainment focused cultural  behaviors are rooted (or perhaps stunted) in childhood.  I mean that is why America’s Funniest Home Video’s is still on the air!

The panel discussed finding passion in what you are doing and I think doodling is a simple way to explore your passions.  Having a visual representation of your own desires and creative thoughts is priceless.  It is the ultimate survival tool.  It might also explain prison tattoos and ancient cave drawings.

Google Employees aside, most of us struggle with our adult lives; so many wish we could return to childhood and enjoy the wonders of exploration without censure or limitations. Don’t get me wrong I’m completely thankful to be employed and to be over 21 so I can legally drink.  But honestly, I could do without 2 hour team meetings, conference calls, and training webinars or other adult responsibilities (paying bills, adhering to traffic laws, etc). Drawing doodles of my peers being engulfed by tsunami waves is how I survive my 9:30am meeting with my sanity!  Sketching images on my grocery list is how I make an ordinary adult obligation a fun time. That makes me a better employee, a calmer adult with increased overall productivity, allowing me to stop the violence and increase the peace! Win Win.

In today’s society it is important to find the intersection of art and technology and Google reminded me of that! I may not be the best artist, singer, or death bringer (COD and HALO) but I will continue to practice those crafts because they soothe my nerdy but creative soul. We all experience the erosion of trust and ambition, the depreciation of life caused by our  our routine existence (i.e. adult life). Work and Life can beat the joy out of you sometimes, but once we tap into our child-like self whether through music, writing, art, gaming, or even doodles something inherently becomes right in the world. At least it does for me.

I think it would be great to have a job that allows me to release my inner child but alas I’m a government employee so that would require about two tons of paperwork to get approved.  For now I will settle for blogging and watching Youtube!  

PS: To all you juvenile delinquents out there please keep your inner child under lock and key, this world is crazy enough.

All in all I learned some interesting tidbits from the video, mainly that I want to work for Google and that my new motto will be “Surprise, enlighten, but don’t enrage!”

Check it out for yourself! Life at Google – Google Doodles Panel discussion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLE1w47eRY0

I also enjoyed several doodles including Julia Child’s, Galle, Bastille Day and the Olympic series. Check out the Google Doodle archive and maybe you will find some inspiration.   http://www.google.com/doodles





This moment of Zen courtesy of Google



Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Late night conversations with friends lead to early morning despondent me, an exhausted and sleep deprived LC.  In my tired state this morning, all I can think about is a full body massage. Like many of the other suckers in the world I have a membership to Massage Envy.  I’m charged $50 or something like that a month for a one-hour massage that I never seem to use!

I feel a strong need to invest in a personal masseuse.  Male friends this is not an open invitation for you to offer your “services”. I want a trained professional, legitimate masseuse.   I need relaxation in my world right now. I have a ton going on (which is what I enjoy) but occasionally my “burn the candle at both ends” lifestyle can be exhausting.  I seriously just want someone to rub my muscles until they are putty.  I will probably forget this strong desire and not call Massage Envy and book my appointment, but I digress.

Moving on to my next thought; Friends are an important part of your personal sustainability. They are the culmination of energies you need to deal with trauma, celebrate milestones, and meander through this crazy journey called life.  Good friends are hard to find and keep these days but once you have friends that you can trust and depend on you are solid gold! Take care of the people in your life build them up, tell them the truth out of love, help them get rid of evidence, and help them get intoxicated when they are trying to forget.  Friends are important and there are some things real friends should do; yes I have spelled them out for you:

·         Adult friends know they can call you before 8am because you are headed to work (they also work)

·         College Friends are SEC fans (Go Dawgs)

·         Friends actually shop off your gift registry but still ask what you need

·         Friends answer the phone at 1:00am

·         Friends are invited to your milestones (Weddings, baby showers, End-of-Summer BBQs)

·         Friends are welcome around your family (parents, kids, spouses, etc)

·         Friends don’t let friends go to hell (think about it)

·         Friends don’t send chain letters, forwards, or phishing scams to your email (if this happens by mistake a real friend will call you and let you know not to open the email)

·         Friends don’t sleep with each other’s spouses or significant others

·         Friends have photos and secrets that they will gladly take to the grave (you have the same dirt on them, it’s only fair)

·         Friends help you get into spanx (only applies to females)

·         Friends help you pick a theme song (think Ally McBeal circa 1999)

·         Friends know how to reach you at work and never call unless it’s an emergency (i.e. engagement, cheating scandal, sickness, family issue, work complaint, etc)

·         Friends know where you live (because they probably helped you move)

·         Friends over 30 don’t ask you to borrow money

·         Friends pick you up from the airport not just the train station

·         Friends quote how long they have known you in years and/or incidents (the break-up of 2001; we go back to middle school; remember that time at band camp)

·         Friends talk you out of bad decisions or hold your hand despite them (No I told you so, just how can I help)

·         Friends understand and embody loyalty (pledge allegiance to our friendship)

·         Friends use Scoutmob or Groupon (to save you both money at dinner)

·         Friends use the phone or face-to-face interaction to wish you well (FB is for public display and people that don’t actually know your birthdate)

·         Good Friends tell you NO

·        Married/Involved Friends confirm your spouse/significant other is foolish/crazy *insert appropriate* adjective here but remind you that you love each other

·         Real Friends know what Ride or Die means!!!

·         Real Friends love you for you

I know they say people come and go into your life like seasons and that is often true of many friendships. As you get older the qualities you value in relationships and friends evolve.  The reason you build connections with people starts to become situationally dependent. No matter who and why just be sure that you value and nurture your friendships because they are important.

Listen to Whodini http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tECCvdWEweA



Real Friends stick together even when things get messy!



BathTub Dreams

I was feeling some kind of way this morning but after knocking out some work specific tasks I do feel better.  As I’m about to embark on lunch, I started thinking about dreams; not the life goals kind but the ones you have in REM stage of sleep. There was a random reoccurring theme in my dreams last night and it has been bugging me all morning.

I know many of you could care less about what I dream but this blog isn’t about you, now is it? My various dreams last night mostly involved family and activities, but there was something common in all of the segments of dreamscapes and that was bathtubs filling with water.   In every scenario at some point there was either an empty bathtub overflowing or a person in a bathtub filling up with water.  Bizarre I thought mainly because there was no concern about mess or clean-up on my part.

Me being the Type A nerd that I am, I decided to use the fancy square processor at my finger tips to investigate the meaning of this on the internet (my one and only source for all legitimate non-rape related information). For those following political news you know what that reference means!

Please note that my factoids come from dream dictionaries including http://www.dreamforth.com/; http://www.dreambible.com/ and http://www.dreammoods.com/ I was limited due to content blocks, silly work computer Trix are for kids!!!

According to dream dictionaries:

To dream about seeing or being in a bathtub indicates a need for self-rejuvenation and liberation from daily troubles. You should lighten the load that you have been shouldering. It's also a sign that you crave affection, enjoyment and peace. You may feel submerged in your subsurface thoughts. You should relax and slow the pace instead of plunging into things.

To dream that you are taking a bath signifies a cleansing of your outer and inner self. You are washing away the difficult times. This dream may also be symbolic of ridding yourself of old ideas, notions, opinions, and other negativities. Your dream may be pointing toward forgiveness and letting go.

Water in dreams most often symbolizes our negative unconscious thoughts and emotions, negative situations that bring uncertainty, the unfamiliar, obstacles, or unwanted changes. To dream of running water represents negative situations or uncertainty that you are noticing all the time. Dripping water may reflect a problem situation that is slowly beginning to surface.

To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

So now that I have been enlightened by the internet about the symbolism in my dream, I realize much like a well-trained psychic detective this interpretation is accurate! And I am relieved that I am not going to drown in my own bathtub in some weird horror story, Final Destination 6+ movie ending!

·         I do need liberation from some issues bothering me, and yesterday I did reach my quota for daily troubles.

·         I do crave affection and peace, I also crave sleep but my creepy dreams are preventing that!

·         I did rid myself of old ideas and notions recently surrounding my sister and my emotional cleanse is in progress with the help of wine and DVR!

·         I was feeling some very negative and borderline hostile emotions yesterday that are a part of reoccurring negative situations. Who doesn’t ask if there is a meeting before cancelling, grown-ups with ulterior motives that’s who!  Who emails you with consistent hostility after telling you they won’t contact you anymore, crazy 24 year olds that’s who! 

·         I can assume that since the water was flowing that my subconscious is sensing a situation that is quickly approaching; my impending move perhaps. I have like 6 weeks to find a place to live since my lease is up. I HATE moving all those boxes, all the sweating, bribing friends and buying furniture. Arg!!!

·         I can assume my instinctual urge is to kill like a ninja and I’m cool with that. I did relieve myself this morning when I woke up so even that part has validity.

Dreams are so true sometimes. I wonder what it means when I have that Animated Super Hero Justice League dream. Batman is a pimp; Wonderwoman a prostitute; Superman a used car salesman/street peddler (selling pocket watches out of his cape). Everybody has reverse roles and it’s in full color! More research required!!!

Family Ties cause Growing Pains

I received an email this morning that irritated me. Without going into detail, it made me realize some very key points about dealing with family, specifically siblings. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an only child. I do have a sister who is just as talented and smart as I am.  Unfortunately that is where the similarities end. In true fashion we are complete opposites, with very different world views and there is nothing wrong with that until we are in a room together.  Dealing with each other is complicated, difficult, and utterly chaotic.  I am certainly a subscriber to love but don’t like.  I love my sister but I sure as hell don’t like her a good 75% of the time.

I learned some valuable lessons from reading my morning email that I have decided to share with others:

·         Aggravation Never Sleeps – apparently 5:40 am is prime email writing time. Hell, according to my upstairs neighbor it is also a great time to vacuum and listen to music, so why not. If you are upset or angry about me offering you help 2 months ago why take the time to email me at 5am. Feel free to call me my number hasn’t changed!  Apparently, 2 months is a reasonable time frame for an email response. That shit cray; crayfish that is (dirty, bottom –feeding but enjoyable when boiled). Deliciously entertaining indeed!

·         Tone and Tact – when you interact with family some common observances that you would have with strangers tend to vanish.  Why is there this level of comfort with family that equates to the elimination of tact? People are people including your family.  Tact goes a long way with all but in the absence of it manage your tone effectively. ALL CAPS are never necessary and how you talk to me needs to change. Let me also pull a point from Talladega Nights just because you say “don’t take offense” before you speak doesn’t give you license to say whatever you want.  I will Shake and Bake you…believe it!  

·         Expectation of Privacy – when dealing with family much like the government there is no expectation of privacy. Everybody will and does want to know your business but me! Moms gossip, grandparents worry and family reunions are prime real estate for talking about the black sheep. If you have a problem with that, don’t be the black sheep. Otherwise suck it up we all deal with it.

·         Entitlement – entitlement does not exist in family dynamics. Respect is earned; Trust is earned; Compassion and tolerance are optional. You can’t just talk to people any kind of way.  You can’t expect respect without giving some. You don’t get a free pass on paying back debts and you should still say thank you when people take time, money, and leave to help you out.  Everybody’s time is precious not just yours. Everybody’s life is busy, not just yours. 

·         Age ain’t nothin but a number – this is more than a song, it is a statement of truth. As far as family goes they tend to treat you how they see you. That’s why your aunts still call you by your childhood nickname or why you still have difficulty as an adult cussing around your grandparents. It’s just what happens. In my case, I will treat you how you act, capeesh?!

·         Messengers are for the lazy – if you have issues with someone address them directly. Don’t send me information so I can be the messenger. You got beef, then take it to their streets don’t take it to my email inbox.  

·         Salty Lies –just a mental note that the truth is relative to the day of the week.  *heavy sigh* Insanity really is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Family makes you insane.

·         We are family by blood not by choice – I didn’t get to choose you! We are bonded by DNA kiddo.  We all have family we wouldn’t deal with if we weren’t related.  So tread lightly…Blood is thicker than water, until it is diluted. You can only do so much to people before family ties start to unravel. I’m going to banish myself like they do in movies; be excommunicated from the tribe so I don’t have to deal with this foolishness. I love you but I don’t have to deal with you, you gon learn that today!

·         Thugnificient - Holla at a playa when you see me on the street trick and then say what you have to say about the money you owe me!

The ideal family fantasy in my head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s44v6VlyGHU is often overshadowed by something more real http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDRNE7sL0rc but that's life sometimes.

Yes, I know I didn’t use a reference from the Cosby Show, I was making a non-race specific point!  I do however, still aspire to be Clair Huxtable and eat obscene amounts of jello. Enjoy your Monday folks!