Technologically Challenged

I visited Google offices yesterday and immediately realized that my work environment is subpar in comparison. After hanging out for a few hours in the temple of glory my day concluded with what can only be described as a Lemony Snicket’s series of unfortunate technological accidents. 

No Juice- the afternoon started when my work blackberry died while I was reviewing web pages for a project I was working on.  Thank you secret tracking app on my phone for sucking all the life from my battery so I no longer can do simple tasks like surf the web or dial.

Car vs Parking Machine – I had a little run in (literally I ran into) a parking pay machine.  It was a love tap, no damage was suffered accept to the paint on the front of my car and my timeline for the day. I was running late, I thought I had cleared a corner that I obviously did not clear and just like magic, BOOM.  The machine was unscathed, my car had minor paint transfer and I was able to laugh hysterically for about 20 minutes. It may have been a defense response but I’ll take it.  The 20 minutes I wasted pulling over, laughing, and trying to figure out if everything was ok made me later than I already was getting back to my office.

Down Goes the Server – My team was working on a major report scheduled to go out around 1:00pm (that’s what i was reviewing when my work phone lost power) we get everything finished and submit for posting.  2:00pm no web pages, 3:00pm no web pages.  What is going on!!!  We pushed that to the server before 1:00pm.  3 phone calls and an incident ticket later…4:00pm still no web pages.  WTF do you mean the servers were down. 4:15pm and  I have web pages which only sucks because I was supposed to go home at 2:30 but had to wait for this to go live so I could send an email notification to 45,000 people. FML

Photoshop Hell – because I was delayed at work an additional 2.5 hours longer than intended, I had to go straight home and start working on a Photoshop project for work.  My job hasn’t approved me for Photoshop on my work computer yet I was tasked with a project that needs me to use it. So I use my home computer and software to complete the job.  16 slides of photo shopped images and 4 hours later I am still working on this crap.  Then my computer starts throwing a hissy fit and the rainbow circle of death appears.  Restarts, open files, and tries again.   Eventually all was complete, but then when I logged into my network to send the document my computer decided to get funky with it and not attach the ppt files.  After a few obscenities and a granola bar break I tried again. I think I should get over time for my overtime and additional hours for pain and suffering.

Chrome come Home – after all that I figured I had some time to work on some blog and other related projects, playing around with logos courtesy of KBanks and making backgrounds.  But low and behold Google chrome started acting all the way out. Not letting me login, giving me error messages, not saving my changes, removing my analytics code, not displaying photos, the list went on and on.   I figured I needed to give my computer a break, so I tried on my ipad. Jokes on you LC, chrome wasn’t working their either.  No I don’t want to use mobile app, no I don’t want to login to Google+ right now.  Chrome come back to me, your people seemed nice this morning what happened. ARGH!!!!!

Blackberry your days are numbered – to add further insult to injury my personal blackberry decided it needed to update an app without telling me (while I was in the middle of email). Shut itself down and went incognito for about 1 hour.  You piece of shit phone, you have 32 more days in this world, use them wisely.

I’m not sure why all my electronic devises are joining the dark side and rising up against me but I am seriously outnumbered. Being human is becoming increasingly more difficult when surrounded by all these machines.

© Drflash | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Friday Secrets

Friday is here!!! I have so much on my mind today and on my to do list for this weekend.  Today I will be all over the place and I just wanted to let you know. Let’s chit chat folks…

Scandal Returns – it was awesome and I loved it and I can’t wait until next week.  That damn Olivia Pope is just as busy as I am but clearly much better dressed. That is all I can say about that, Other than Quinn absolutely annoys me and Harrison is hands down the most devoted and I hope that never changes.

Upcoming Travel – the family and I are road tripping to New Orleans for Easter.  While I’m looking forward to visiting my peeps in the Big Easy, I’m a little more apprehensive about this car ride.  As of now the level of uncertainty with my passenger count is growing daily. I have one confirmed of 3 (good job dad).  My remaining hold-outs are being elusive and less than forthcoming with their plans.  The car is leaving at 6am come hell or high-water people. You have had weeks to take leave and make arrangements. Other than that my countdown to this mini vacation has started; 6 days until departure!!!!!  

Hamburgerler – I am ready for some Grade A quality meat. Lent is coming to an end in 7 days and I will be ready!!!!  Crab boil on Friday and Saturday in New Orleans followed by the consumption of random meat products. Hotdogs, Hamburgers, steaks, shakes and all that is holy in the world.  My stomach may hate me and I will likely put on the 10 pounds I have dropped but I don’t care.

New Toys – so I bought a new camera with part of my tax refund and I’m excited to be moving out of the “sale digital camera that fits in my purse” phase of my life to the “carry around my neck, use a tripod” sort of equipment. I don’t know how to use it but I’m learning. Photos coming soon.

Teenagers are a hot mess – much like the train wreck that is the real housewives of any city, this next generation of teens is just a hot mess.   Had some encounters and conversations recently that reminded me that the teen psyche is misguided, emotionally driven, and completely irresponsible. Their propensity for testing invincibility and inflated sense of self-importance reminds me why I am glad I can drink legally.  I’m glad to be out of that developmental stage and worry that elderly me will go ham in 40 years and beat one of them with a cane (maybe I will make an episode of Snapped 2.0).

Nosey People Irritate Me – mind your damn business. That is all!

Pistachios - I kind of love them like I love avocados. I don’t know how I went this long without knowing how wonderful they are.  You people can keep the ice cream version but other than that they are really fabulous. Get cracked (unless you have an allergy or actually enjoy crack)!!!

Hotmail switched to outlook – my Hotmail is account is strictly for passwords and junk mail but I logged in recently to clean it out and was surprised to find it had transitioned to outlook.  If I wanted outlook to migrate into my personal life I would have been using it already.  Damn you Hotmail for integrating elements of work into my other worlds.

Be fruitful and multiple with babies – Congrats to my favorite baby makers that welcomed their second bundle of joy this week.  I appreciate you securing a solid year of biological clock snooze time for those non-breeders (like myself).  People are so caught up with your baby and his cuteness that they will leave me alone! Aside from the direct benefits your baby is quite adorable and my offer to babysit is legitimate.  Despite having the neck of a 98 year old man his wrinkly little self is precious and I would be honored to take care of him if ever you need me too. His big brother is pretty cool too so he can stay as well.

Photo Credit: © Dvu | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Ode to Justin Timberlake

I’m up rather early this morning and after a serious of dreams centered on my promotional tour with Macklemore in Las Vegas I am up starting my day with some rather disturbing images forever burned into my subconscious mind.

I fell asleep listening to the glorious sounds of Justin Timberlake, so I blame his 20/20 Experience (specifically the slightly weird Let the Grove Get In) for my unusual dream scape.  That aside, JT is back!!!!! Thank you for gracing us with part one of your two part album.  I like the grown and love-loving music you have decided to make Justin and I welcome you back with open arms.  Today’s post is not a review but more of a dedicated fan expressing a love for an amazing artist. I don’t even care if you judge me! Judge starts with J and so does Justin Timberlake!!!

I still listen to Justified and FutureSex/LoveSounds, so I am happy to add the 20/20 Experience to my rotation. It may only be 10 songs but most songs are 7-8 minutes long which is unheard of these days. Buying this CD was a pleasant surprise, like buying Tide with the 40% extra bonus pack. JT we all knew you were a designer, a film maker, a rich internet buying guru and an SNL comedic legend but we were beginning to forget you were a musician and appreciate the reminder, which is what the 20/20 Experience is for all of your fans.

CNN ran several stories yesterday (I watch it while I work out because it is the responsible thing to do on the treadmill), about the album release.  First they asked Senator Marco Rubio if he was going to buy the album. Let me say after laughing out loud at the completely frivolous and inappropriate question, his response which was no did not surprise me. Rubio doesn’t strike me as JT fan plus he is Republican and has too much going (posturing for that government takeover) to listen to grown and sexy music. But it made me appreciate the impact of pop culture and CNNs attempts to tie into the next segment.  The following story was about artists like JT who have branded themselves far beyond the music that made them famous. Being a celebrity is like filling out college applications, you need to be well rounded and resonate with the audience.  That means endorsements, clothing lines, perfumes, tv shows, and of course music. Disney has been doing this for years, creating the six-sided polygon (aka hexagon) threats we see today. Celebrities are making money off their entire being not just their talent and I’m not mad at them. Brand on kids, brand on.

Regardless of what the world thinks or even what CNN says I should think of the JT brand, I just want to thank him for making music I can get married to and for gracing my ears with an album full of soulfully eclectic tunes! In case anybody was wondering, my standout favorites so far (in order of importance in my mind and heart) are Pusher Love Girl, That Girl, Suit & Tie, and Mirrors.

Have a great day folks and make sure you listen to a little Justin…it makes the world a brighter place.

Moment of Change- Mission to Civilize

Friday has descended upon us like a Greek God deciding to grace humanity with the magnitude of his awesomeness! Thank you for coming to the party Friday, nothing is right until you show up!

Happy Friday everyone! I’m feeling good and feeling great and I hope you are too.

I had an epiphany last night and decided that I need to reclaim my civility and revive chivalry. I have become a fan of another show, Newsroom (thank you HBOGo for the ability to watch programs from the comfort of my bed). I have been enthralled for days. Regardless of where you sit on the political or role of journalism threshold the show does something better, it champions for having a moral center and having integrity! Sure you can smoke a little weed, have a broken heart, make a lot of money and still have integrity -- adherence to moral and ethical principles. This show is reminding me of the importance of morality and the vast impact of civility. Good character is imperative for the success of our society and in a world anesthetized by self-serving propaganda, and assaulted by cynicism and mediocrity we are struggling to hang on to what little is left of human decency.

The “mission to civilize” taken on by the main character of the show has been on my mind for about 2 days, which is a record for me (I cycle through thoughts pretty quickly, plus I get distracted by shinny things). I started reminiscing on college and my mindset as a teenager. I was going to change the world! I was going to have an impact and right injustices. I believed in my heart that I was going to make this world better for myself and my future children because even then I was slightly disgusted by it.  10 years, several relationships, and tons of student loans later I’m not so concerned with changing the world most days. I find myself saying all too often that I’m just a cog in the wheel.

What the hell happen to my self-efficacy!? How did I let work, adulthood, and social media beat ambition and revolution right out of my system? 

As I move into my last few weeks of Lent I am starting to realize there is something to this sacrifice thing. Aside from clarity of mind and heart, I’m finding hope (and new TV shows). I’m unhappy with the state of my personal social nation (and the nation as a whole) and I miss the focus on important things. Remember when hard working, dependable, honest, and ethical were qualities to strive toward? I do and will continue to try and remember for the rest of my life.

I can’t change other people, seriously I’m not a puppet master but I can influence change in others by changing myself.  So I want to go on my own mission of civility. I’m going to civilize (in my own way of course); I’m going to change my own world and perhaps help someone else. The revolution in me is buried deep but it isn’t dead. My desire to impact the world may be minute but that’s better than not being there at all.  My methods and beliefs may have evolved over time but they no longer have to be eroded. So I am stepping off my soap box and getting to the call to action for the day…

Do something positive!  I encourage you in whatever situations life throws at you this fantastic Friday to take the high and moral ground.  Avoid malevolent behaviors. Accountability is important; we can't protect people from truth so turn your sarcasm into an opportunity for discussion. Put down that gossip magazine and go buy an encyclopedia (or a National Geographic works too). Find your humanity and do something nice for somebody. Don’t be governed or influenced by stupidity. Put down that Starbucks latte and find a family owned coffee shop! Be the Greater Fool! Read Don Quixote.

Some other epiphanies I had because of this show:

·         I need to hire a maid, mainly because work, TV watching, socializing and being a stakeholder for change make it impossible to clean up with any consistency.

·         Smoking is just such an ugly habit; it is physically unpleasant to watch

·         People in the news industry can’t possible have real lives (news is always keeping you at work)

·         Sloan is a cool TV character name

·         HBO makes some damn good programing

Happy Friday folks, I hope you make it a good one!

Happy Wednesday

Happy Hump Day Everyone,

I'm still coming down off the high of the best day ever yesterday. I have decided that the second Tuesday of every month should be national holidays were people bring me presents. Of course most of my gifts were food related but that is clearly the way to my heart. 

I need to thank a few folks; thanks my favorite friend from Portland for the Oregon Wine, thanks my favorite CDC Jamaican for the cute fancy insulated lunch bag, thanks to my favorite web developer for introducing me to more font websites and adobe master collection, thanks Man of Steel for the snicker doodle whoopie pies and walking with me to dinner (Canyons is awesome), and thank you to my favorite make-up artist for the laughs last night!

I finished up my evening catching up on Modern Family, watching the trailer for Hangover III and watching Harlem Shake videos! I had such a pleasant yesterday that I’m in a great mood today!!!  The only way to top that is a black Pope, money, or a new phone. 

I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

In a bad mood? Than do this to your Wednesday….

Weekend Recap: First World Problems

Disclaimer:  This is going to be that blog where I complain about some of my first world problems. I know that in the grand scheme these worries are meaningless and frivolous but they are mine and that’s just the way it is. My weekend recap is going to cover a few so I thought I should warn you first.

Goodbye Massage Therapist – much like committing in a relationship I am choosy about my massage therapist. You can’t just be with anybody and I worked very hard to find Fernando!  After years of frogs I finally found a prince!! I was happy with my selection I committed my money and time.  You don’t realize how important it is to have a therapist that understands you, strives to help you improve, and has actual skill.  And for the last few months that is what I had, so imagine my devastation to find out my routine and quality interaction was going away.  My therapist is moving to Florida to be with his family, admirable but stupid if you ask me! You can talk to your family via Skype (I’ll send them an iPad). You don’t have to relocate…seriously!  Take me with you Fernando…don’t go! So now the hunt for a skilled, understanding, and cool NEW therapist must begin. I’m not looking forward to it!!!! I thought losing my hair dresser was bad, but I had no idea.

Hair Changes - In the spirit of change and cope, my hair dresser of forever and always left me over the holidays. She also moved to be with family.  But this weekend I had a probationary trial run with a new salon and stylist. It went well, my hair looks magnificent! She is fabulous, sweet, and tried to get to really know my hair care needs. The only downside is the salon is in Snellville, which is like driving to Alabama for me!  I have another appointment in 2 weeks, so we shall see if I continue to make the drive.

Daylight Savings Time Sucks – this time change is only annoying when we spring forward. Falling back is great because then I am early to just about everything. The adjustment in the spring is brutal and it needs to be stopped! I want my hour back Father Time, you jerk!

Whole Foods is an Expensive Favorite – I love me some whole foods but why do I have to pay so much more for the things that are good to me? One day I hope I can afford to make wholefoods my primary grocery store but for now I just shake my head and my wallet. I went in for some comfort food, the basics sushi, pita chips, IZZE (sparkling apple is my fave) and spinach artichoke dip (small); $30 later and only 1 bag to show for it I was a bit upset. It’s great you are so good for me but if I actually came in with a real grocery list it would cost me a month’s rent.  Do you offer coupons? Can I get a frequent shopper program? Just think about it, please!

Goodwill on the Technology Come-Up – shout out to good will because they now do electronic receipts and tracking. Thank you for my fancy print out and follow-up homework?!  Yes homework as in now I have to go online fill out information into this donation tracker and wait to obtain my tax receipt.  This entire process is extra and annoying. If I wasn’t diligent about getting tax receipts I would have said “F” this and made a sandwich.  Jokes on you Goodwill people like me will fill out the forms and visit the website. Game blouses (literally I dropped off a ton of blouses)!!!

Tax Refund Waiting Game- I am trying to purchase a new camera and pay some bills with my tax refund that isn’t here yet. Of course my state posted which means nothing because it is so little. Can my federal return post to my account A$AP Rocky!  Seriously it doesn’t take you this long to take taxes out of my paycheck so pick up the pace!  I could knit a sweater in the time it takes for me to get money from the government. For those of you that owe this year, I’m sorry (I have been there, just not this year).

Hunger – I am observing Lent like a good catholic but I have been dreaming about hamburgers and steaks. The meat-eater in me is sad and invading my subconscious. ! The first thing I plan to do post-Easter is sit on a patio, drink a beer, and eat a giant turkey burger with cheese (I can’t just open with beef my stomach would die). You are welcome to join me, first round of drinks on me J

First world problems…I know!  All I am missing is a stained fur coat and a busted Bentley. ! LOL

Photo credit: © Slavka | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Lottery Ticket

I was listening to a radio ad about the lottery.  My first thought was my dad; he has played the lottery for decades and may have single handedly paid tuition for some lucky Georgia teen off to college.  I think he understands it is a statistical game and the odds are stacked against him, yet he continues to play.  Statistical improbability is enough for me to not waste my hard earned money on the lottery but I guess the potential reward helps others forget the costs.  After shaking my head I thought what if I hit it big one day, won that Ben Franklin Million Dollar scratch off? What would I do? You all know what comes next; here is where my million dollars would officially go (if I ever win the lottery that I don’t play)! 

• Hiding – I’m going manhunt manifesto missing (is it too soon?). Either way, I’m going to be in some back woods building a compound so you, telemarketers, and my lovely family can’t find me. I’ll meet you there; no not this weekend we are renovating…forever.
• Invest- the first thing I am going to do is put away a fraction of the money for savings and investments and trust funds for future kids. My accountant made me write that.
• Ball till I fall – I’m going to ball out the adult way, no Bugatti or jet plane - I am throwing stacks at my student loan, paying off my future house, and making it rain on my creditors!
• Real Estate – I am buying houses and I’m giving them away like Oprah. House for you mom and dad, my favorite house for you grandma, look under your seat brothers and sisters (starter apartments are hidden there). I know, three words - fa - bu – lous!!!!
• Part Time Status – I’m not quitting my job; do you know how much healthcare cost without benefits? I am however moving to the ultimate flex schedule and requesting to work from home most days of the week. I want to work just not every day. Unless I get a cool new job as a VH1 or Bravo reunion special host.
• Gifting – I’m going to buy presents for people I love not million dollar presents but little things to let them know I care and that I’m rich! I’m taking Christmas up a notch, out gift me now bitches!!
• Buying back my soul- years of corporate and federal employment have eroded my soul and forced me over to the dark side. The lottery will help me get it back. I’m donating to charity (maybe I will set up a foundation, send some strippers to college). I’m giving to my church, non-profits, and other do-gooder related things. I am trying to have an impact on the world so when I get to the pearly gates I plan to have a performance assessment a mile long.
• Making a documentary – it seems like all the rich people are doing it so why not. I’m going to do my best Beyoncé impression and break out my handheld camera and share nothing of my life with you. Sell it to HBO and make even more money as an independent film maker.
• Frivolousness – I frequent write about what I want to do or what I want revisit some of my other blogs to know where my leftover money would go. This includes concerts Concert Conundrum; avoiding being Taken (What If Friday); getting my House Dreams (not the Doctor); and investing in The Business of Brothels.  It’s my money I can waste if I want to!  

That should get me through about 6 months before I’m broke and signing up to do episodes of Dancing with the Stars and Celebrity Rehab. It will be a fulfilling and ultimately tragic experience. I can’t wait to win!!!

 © Tiero | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Migraine Monday

I am recovering from a migraine this morning! Aside from the baby shower goodness that occurred on Saturday I was sick, sick, sick.  I realize just how debilitating headaches and migraines can be. I need my thoughts to be clear all the time; I swear I lost the same tape dispenser about 52 times on Saturday (no bueno)!

I muddled through the shower but had some great helpers (I mean you Pitts family) thanks!  But after that I was out for the count! In my bed, sweats and socks, doo-rag and Georgia hoodie knocked out! Last night I was debating the hospital but finally feel asleep as a result of some powerful medication and a coca cola! God bless physicians and coke products!!!

What I realized post migraine episode is that my body resists hard! I also realized that migraines are born of the devil and designed to make good people go bad! I'm just thankful I have people around me that love me and can help me when I'm in need (I mean you Man of Steel)!

I had some other revelations post migraine about my weekend I wanted to share:

• My neighbor’s dogs only bark when I'm trying to sleep; I am convinced they are out to get me!
• Snow shouldn’t happen in March, the weekend flurries were just weird!
• My leasing office can’t fix anything, my dishwasher is now broken and that is a major problem since they already “fixed” it.
• My mother is officially my go to for party platters; she has a section in the house for items by color! Hoarder=yes, Awesome =yes, Concern =yes, Changing=no!
• My blackberry may be malfunctioning because I consistently drop it on the ground, or because it just sucks!
• My friend Kels is about to graduate (May 2013) which ipso facto means I am about to become a doctor!!!!
• All my friends are becoming breeders which means more alcohol for me (post Lent of course)!

I hope you all have a great day today!!!

Photo credit: © Redbaron | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images