My Friday started on a disappointing note and in an effort to clear my mind I’m going to answer a question from If (Questions for the Game of Life). It's Friday people and believe it or not I really do enjoy the questions in this book!
Question: If you were kidnapped and allowed to telephone one person for one minute, who would you call?
I feel like there are two approaches you could take to answering this, the practical way or the sentimental way. I will answer from both perspectives, then provide insight into a third option, the random way!
Practical Approach – let’s say for the sake of saying that by some unlikely stroke of fate I'm kidnapped and allowed to use a phone. I’m calling 911 (unless I'm kidnapped internationally at which point I would have the US embassy on speed dial). Domestically, 911 is it; they can trace my location, call the police, send in the National Guard, or do whatever it is they do. In my one minute of air time I would say the following: “My name -- I am a government employee I have been kidnapped, my kidnapper is planning a terrorist plot on a major city and he/she looks like this *insert description here*, took me from *insert place here*! Activate the gps in my blackberry and come get his/her ass! Please tell my family I love them, my paperwork is in the file cabinet, I want my ashes scattered in the ocean, and prosecute to the full extent of the law!”
I feel like that would get the job done and provide enough incentive to come to my rescue or at least bring my abductor to justice. Because I’m being practical, I have to assume my captor is planning to kill me since he/she let me make a phone call! I don’t have money, nor do I come from money so it isn’t likely to be a kidnapping for ransom which decreases my chances of survival. I keep my affairs in order because I’m practical and after my call I would ultimately say a few prayers then make peace with my maker! I would probably also try to assault my abductor so I could at least go out fighting!!!
Fun fact: Phoenix, Arizona was deemed America's kidnapping capital!
Sentimental Approach- so I’m kidnapped and I am pretty sure I am going to die but I have one person to talk to in one minute. I have a lot of people I want to say goodbye to at this point but I’m not sure I would want to put the weight of what I might say on one person or make one person responsible for sharing and saving my last words. That’s intense and emotional! My first thought was to call my best friend but I wouldn’t want to do that to him. I would probably call my parents’ home phone because I know they wouldn’t answer it! They never answer the phone which gives me prime opportunity to record my last words via voicemail. This is an easier and long lasting approach! That way they can share it with other loved ones, they can have a recording of my voice forever (I suspect they will miss me and would like to hear it every now and then).
My one minute recording would say the following: “Mom and Dad, you should really stop screening my calls, seriously! I want you to know there is nothing you could do to help me! I was just calling to say I love you! I love so many other people too *insert names here* and I need them all to know! I want everyone in my life to celebrate every milestone, let go of your anger; focus on the good things every day, and to pour out a little liquor in my honor at every gathering! About my stuff – don’t be creepy and preserve it in a room, have a private yard sell, invite only people that knew me, price everything at $1.00 and serve Mac&Cheese! Donate any money made to charity. Don’t spend my insurance money all in one place! Don’t make people read any bible verses or cheesy poems at my funeral, no hymns, and keep it timed at an hour people don’t want to spend all day in a church being sad. Take care of *insert bf name here* be family and know I’m waiting for you all on the other side! I love you yo!”
Random Approach – now that the emotional is out of the way I will answer this right! If I was kidnapped and issued one phone call, I’m speed dialing Bryan Mills! He is the ex-CIA dad in Taken 1 and 2, maybe you’ve heard of him. He has a very particular set of skills; skills he acquired over a very long career. If I have a chance at getting out of this kidnapping alive he is my one and only phone call. I would answer all of his questions; tell him everything I saw, set off grenades so he could pinpoint my location, leave breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel, whatever he needed! He would find me because that is what he does and his track record speaks for itself! Now, if I’m kidnapped by Albanians he might go ham and I can’t be held responsible for driving a taxi into the US embassy or other request he might make of me! All I know is that man could find a needle in a haystack, which means he could find me too!
Happy Friday people! Don’t get into cars with strangers; don’t be fooled by people offering puppies and candy and try not to be taken! I don’t think I could handle another movie, trilogies are superfluous and unnecessary (unless it’s Iron Man 3 which looks awesome)!
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