Oh Sandy!

Hurricane Sandy tore through the north east last night bringing waves of water and snow in some places! It’s surreal to see the footage of cars floating down the streets of Manhattan or water covering buildings and houses! How easy one forgets that NY and other parts of the NE are on the coast, you don’t ever consider a hurricane in these places but yesterday proved it’s very real! I’m sad that people have died (including 67 people in the Caribbean), that over 7 million people are without power on this cold October day, that kids won’t have a real Halloween, and that destruction has ravished communities. To my family and friends in NJ, NY and the NE I love you and I hope you all stay safe!

I’m not going to make light of such a tragedy but I do want to point out some of my observations:

Expiration on Concern: While people were battling winds and down pour of rain most of the country was upset about the loss of TV shows. Twitter was in an uproar about DirecTv outages! You turn off Gossip Girl and the Voice and people lose their minds!!!! Hurricane Sandy was ripping NJ a new asshole and half of the country was up in arms about missing a few TV shows. Let me be clear, I am not judging because if this would have happened during Scandal or Once Upon a Time I would react the same (maybe). I will also point out that Ratchet Monday was not interrupted which is unfortunate because Basketball Wives is some programming we all could have done without for one week! Essentially, my observation boils down to…What is this world coming to when TV is more valuable than Super Storm Survival!

People Don’t Follow Evacuation Orders: Seriously people, when your government says get the hell on, you should listen. When they are talking about shutting down subways, trains, and airplanes why are you even thinking about riding this storm out! If those things can't move in the storm why do you think your car can? You are not a storm chaser; you should not stay to video tape the events and you certainly shouldn’t be wind surfing! Just get out!!! Have we learned nothing from Katrina?! Also, why was anybody outside during this event? If the winds and flood waters are powerful enough to knock over cranes and move cars do you think you can walk around and be safe? Tree vs person! Car vs person, Building vs person…person loses in all scenarios! If you aren’t going to evacuate at least prepare and stay inside!!! And how much does it suck to be the mayor of NJ and have to tell people who chose not to leave you are on your own, we aren’t coming to help you!

Reality TV Angers the Gods: Mother Nature was trying to rid the earth of the Jersey Shore. I have been to Jersey and it’s kind of dirty but tv misrepresents it significantly! Real House Wives, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious all do it a disservice! Everybody isn’t tan with big hair, loud mouths, or bad attitudes! Jersey was hit pretty hard by this storm and one can only think that maybe reality TV has angered Mother Nature! Does anybody else feel disappointment that MTV will likely use this as a reason to give us a “reunion” season of the Jersey Shore or that Bravo probably has a housewives special in the works?  I can’t wait to see how TV decides to capitalize on this tragedy, further proving this world has gone to shit!

Hurricanes Don’t Discriminate: Sometimes it takes disasters for people to unite! Super storms take everybody out equally! They don’t see race, religion, or sexual orientation! They don’t see at all because they have one eye like a Cyclops (usually in the center of their body). So be kind to your fellow man because one day you may need them to shelter you, or remove debris from your arm, or call rescue services to your aid! Love each other and help each other, whether there is a storm or not.

Politics Finds a Way (especially during election years): Just when one is prepared to see non-stop storm coverage from every news outlet for the next 2-3 weeks, politics finds a way into the thick of things! How we were able to so quickly take a tragic event and turn it into how Mittens and Obama can respond to secure votes is insane. First of all, Mittens is not the president so the only thing he can do is knit and make statements! Second, the president is likely going to handle this better than his predecessor because he has common sense and can read! Anybody could have handled this better than Katrina because most people can learn from mistakes!  Third, no the North East will not be fully functional in time for the election but let’s focus on finding people, getting power restored, getting transportation operational and handling the business of recovery before we start worrying about votes.  My guess is somebody that has lost their house isn’t too concerned right now about voting! I’m so ready for this election to be over, so people can stop pretending to care about issues!

Why is it the Storms named after Women do the most Damage: The deadliest and most destructive hurricanes and storms of all time are often named after women! It makes one wonder about the naming convention; does somebody just go down a list of girlfriends when deciding to name a tropical storm? So of course I did some research. During the Second World War military meteorologists working in the Pacific began to use women's names for storms. In 1978, meteorologists began using men's names for half of the storms. Currently for each year, a list of 21 names, each starting with a different letter of the alphabet was developed and arranged in alphabetical order (names beginning with the letters Q, U, X, Y and Z were not used). The first tropical storm of the year was given the name beginning with the letter "A", the second with the letter "B" and so on through the alphabet. During even-numbered years, men's names were given to the odd-numbered storms and during odd-numbered years, women's names were given to odd-numbered storms.

Learn more including current list of names at: http://geology.com/hurricanes/hurricane-names.shtml

I have deduced from these facts that yes somebody just picks names, likely of girlfriends past! I also learned there is a separate naming convention for storms outside of the Atlantic. Meaning separate naming systems exist for for Eastern North Pacific storms, Central North Pacific Storms, Western North Pacific Storms, the Australian Region, Fiji Area, Papua New Guinea, Philippine Region, Northern and Southwest Indian Ocean. Seems complicated! I will just point out that women may be unpredictable but we aren’t all destructive (unless provoked)! I’m just glad I never dated a meteorologist; Tropical Storm LC would have gone down in history!!!

Weekend Mayhem Revisited

By now you all know Monday means we are having a weekend recap!!! So much happened this weekend that I can only really hit the highlights!

Visitor Parking

I love it when my friends come to visit! It totally energizes and invigorates my spirit. It is also completely exhausting and forces me to clean my apartment! I learned this weekend that more than ever, I need a guest room and a large kitchen. I also prefer when my friends come to me as opposed to me going to visit them!  I was happy to host one of my favorite people in the world and I love when she visits because we do crazy things including wearing lycra bermuda shorts as a form of solidarity! My efforts this weekend also included diving into a new vegetarian recipe for crock-pot chili! My source says that I did a good job on that meal, I wouldn’t know because I don’t eat chili (judge all you want it doesn’t change the facts).  So if you couldn’t guess I’m hooked on hosting, reminiscing, cooking for others, and hanging out with people that I love!

GA Dominates

I wouldn’t be a true member of the Bulldog Nation if I didn’t mention the amazing and oh so necessary win UGA had over Florida this weekend.  Florida fans this part of the blog is not for you! Any members of the SEC faithful (and Seminole Fans) understand the universal dislike and outright disgust people have for the University of Florida! I find that the Gators are consistently the most disliked team in the SEC.  Maybe it’s the Jean shorts; or because the play dirty (Brandon Spikes I mean you); or the fact their mascot is a leather man-eating reptile; it could also be the fact that some of their fans can be overly obnoxious and arrogant (is all that chomping really necessary)! Either way I’m a proud Gator Hater and nothing brought me more joy inside than watching my team (the underdog) rain on the Florida Gator parade!  What sweetened the pot was that they were ranked higher and we were able to knock them off that pedestal.  If my team does nothing else in a season I need them to beat FL and GaTech; those are universal requirements to me forgetting any mishaps along the way. Good job Bulldawgs, you have once again made me proud to say “it’s great to be a Georgia Bulldog” and I will continue to bleed red & black and shout it from the rooftops!

Halloween Fun

I want to send a special thank you to those that made my Halloween weekend fun and exciting! To my partner in crime Dr. Kels for being one half of the costume mastermind that we were! For those that didn’t know we went as Beez in da Trap (bumble bees in a literal trap) and it was a success! We even won 2 bottles of wine!  I had soooo much fun this weekend talking to costumed friends and watching crazy folks sing some amazing karaoke!  Let me just say that professional karaoke singers make me nervous! To all those involved in this party weekend thank you and let’s do it all again next year!

B*!@hes ain't shit, and they ain't sayin' nuthin'
A hundred muthaf@!*as can't tell me nuthin'
I beez in the trap, bee, beez in the trap
I beez in the trap, bee, beez in the trap…

Imminent Disaster

Hurricane Sandy is on course to strike in the coast of the Mid-Atlantic which will affect several US cities!  I know it’s the season but it seems we are experiencing an increase in natural disasters including an Earthquake in Canada a few days ago. Is Superstorm Sandy just another occurrence in a string of omens?  I’m not sure but I can say climate change issues are alive and well; we better start taking care of mother earth before we all end up in a scene from the Happening.

For those unfamiliar with the film: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIQ21m1Ks08

I find that any hope I may have had to consider moving to the NE is officially over.  As if obscene property value, excess people, and bitter cold temperatures weren’t enough of a deterrent, now hurricanes have to be a concern.  I will stay in the south, there may be ignorance here but at least I know the weather patterns. To my friends, family and strangers in the North East, be safe, be careful, and enjoy your time away from work (find the silver lining people). Unfortunately, you won’t be able to hold yourselves up in the casinos because they are closed.  So setup lanterns, pull out Words-with-Friends the board game which was previously known as scrabble, charge your cell phones and cozy up under blankets because this storm is coming! Good luck folks, my prayers and those of others around the country are with you!

PS: Today is Bob Ross’ birthday…happy little trees!  For those of you who watched him paint on TV check out the google doodle in honor of him, it is classic!

Remember: “We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” and “There's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend.”

Taken (What If Friday)

My Friday started on a disappointing note and in an effort to clear my mind I’m going to answer a question from If (Questions for the Game of Life). It's Friday people and believe it or not I really do enjoy the questions in this book!

Question:        If you were kidnapped and allowed to telephone one person for one minute, who would you call?

I feel like there are two approaches you could take to answering this, the practical way or the sentimental way.  I will answer from both perspectives, then provide insight into a third option, the random way!

Practical Approach – let’s say for the sake of saying that by some unlikely stroke of fate I'm kidnapped and allowed to use a phone. I’m calling 911 (unless I'm kidnapped internationally at which point I would have the US embassy on speed dial). Domestically, 911 is it; they can trace my location, call the police, send in the National Guard, or do whatever it is they do.  In my one minute of air time I would say the following: “My name -- I am a government employee I have been kidnapped, my kidnapper is planning a terrorist plot on a major city and he/she looks like this *insert description here*, took me from *insert place here*! Activate the gps in my blackberry and come get his/her ass! Please tell my family I love them, my paperwork is in the file cabinet, I want my ashes scattered in the ocean, and prosecute to the full extent of the law!”

I feel like that would get the job done and provide enough incentive to come to my rescue or at least bring my abductor to justice. Because I’m being practical, I have to assume my captor is planning to kill me since he/she let me make a phone call! I don’t have money, nor do I come from money so it isn’t likely to be a kidnapping for ransom which decreases my chances of survival. I keep my affairs in order because I’m practical and after my call I would ultimately say a few prayers then make peace with my maker! I would probably also try to assault my abductor so I could at least go out fighting!!!

Fun fact: Phoenix, Arizona was deemed America's kidnapping capital!

Sentimental Approach-  so I’m kidnapped and I am pretty sure I am going to die but I have one person to talk to in one minute. I have a lot of people I want to say goodbye to at this point but I’m not sure I would want to put the weight of what I might say on one person or make one person responsible for sharing and saving my last words. That’s intense and emotional! My first thought was to call my best friend but I wouldn’t want to do that to him.  I would probably call my parents’ home phone because I know they wouldn’t answer it! They never answer the phone which gives me prime opportunity to record my last words via voicemail. This is an easier and long lasting approach! That way they can share it with other loved ones, they can have a recording of my voice forever (I suspect they will miss me and would like to hear it every now and then).

My one minute recording would say the following: “Mom and Dad, you should really stop screening my calls, seriously! I want you to know there is nothing you could do to help me! I was just calling to say I love you! I love so many other people too *insert names here* and I need them all to know! I want everyone in my life to celebrate every milestone, let go of your anger; focus on the good things every day, and to pour out a little liquor in my honor at every gathering!  About my stuff – don’t be creepy and preserve it in a room, have a private yard sell, invite only people that knew me, price everything at $1.00 and serve Mac&Cheese! Donate any money made to charity. Don’t spend my insurance money all in one place! Don’t make people read any bible verses or cheesy poems at my funeral, no hymns, and keep it timed at an hour people don’t want to spend all day in a church being sad. Take care of *insert bf name here* be family and know I’m waiting for you all on the other side! I love you yo!”

Random Approach – now that the emotional is out of the way I will answer this right! If I was kidnapped and issued one phone call, I’m speed dialing Bryan Mills! He is the ex-CIA dad in Taken 1 and 2, maybe you’ve heard of him. He has a very particular set of skills; skills he acquired over a very long career. If I have a chance at getting out of this kidnapping alive he is my one and only phone call. I would answer all of his questions; tell him everything I saw, set off grenades so he could pinpoint my location, leave breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel, whatever he needed! He would find me because that is what he does and his track record speaks for itself! Now, if I’m kidnapped by Albanians he might go ham and I can’t be held responsible for driving a taxi into the US embassy or other request he might make of me! All I know is that man could find a needle in a haystack, which means he could find me too!

Happy Friday people! Don’t get into cars with strangers; don’t be fooled by people offering puppies and candy and try not to be taken!  I don’t think I could handle another movie, trilogies are superfluous and unnecessary (unless it’s Iron Man 3 which looks awesome)!

Spoon-Pontification

I am eating my salad with a spoon, mainly because I am too lazy to walk to my local cafeteria and grab a fork. When doing something ridiculous like this one often contemplates legitimate and more serious thoughts to compensate. In true fashion, I was giving some serious thought to observations that were recently shared with me or resulted from recent experiences!

1) There is no statute of limitations on friendship problems – my most valued and appreciated friends (you know who you are) have been in my life for decades. When you have friends for long periods you forget that unconditional love sometimes has conditions. What I mean is that you still have to put work into your relationships. Nurturing and engagement are required, mainly because good friends never forget and blackmail can impact you later in life. It is important to support your friends, advise them, listen to them and check in with them regularly. Because I have such good relationships with my long-term friends, I often forget that not all of my friendships are created equal or operate by the same rules. Not all people can get the full investment of you! Apparently, you also never age out of friendship drama; I thought for sure by hitting a new age bracket I would be able to eliminate some of the complicated drama of friendships past. I was clearly operating on a false assumption. I also assumed that good friends that had sustained common law status could be elevated to a higher level of recognition but sometimes people regress.  The most important take away is that friendship is a two-way street that has the ability to mutate; sometimes you just have to accept change, dap each other up, and keep it moving!

2) I am an emotional extremist- it has been brought to my attention on many occasions that I have very distinct extremes. I’m either in a great mood or a very bad mood! I either do something 100% or I completely won’t do it at all. For the record, I do logically operate and hold opinions for the majority in a shade of gray. But there are some things I do to extremes especially if my emotions are involved. It’s difficult for me to not do everything 100% (go hard in the M-Fin Paint), I make decisions that way, I work on projects that way, I tell people what’s on my mind that way. Maybe that makes me extreme but I am completely ok with that.  I am able to recognize that is just my way of being. I don’t expect it of others or hold them to my standards. You do you and I will do extreme me!  Regardless of my extremes, I often accept others and their choices at face value which makes me extremely awesome.

3) This is going to be a great fall/winter- as the winter months begin I was recently told this was going to be a great season. I absolutely believe this!!!!! So much is happening right now and I have a positive outlook on it all! I had some revelations about what I will and will not tolerate from people. I have come to terms with some important truths about my friends and family and I have decided to continue being the best me I can be! I have picked a Halloween costume that makes me giggle! I have had hot chocolate and overcome work obstacles. I have embraced some new beginnings and some new recipes. I started working out with some consistency (sort-of). I registered to vote (again)!!!!  I plan to have the best winter ever, until November 2013 which I will then claim as the best fall/winter ever. So let the good times roll people…let the good times roll!

I feel like this line of thinking has made it acceptable that I ate my lunch with a spoon. It has also made me appreciate the value of a spork! Enjoy your afternoon good people!

Average Joe Tuesday

Getting back into the swing of reality after coming off vacation is more difficult than I imagined.  All in all I am coping without alcohol and without burning sick leave from work which means I deserve a pat on the back. Sorry I missed out on blogging Monday; I had to work on some pressing issues.  Today’s blog will be uneventful so if you stop reading now I wouldn’t be offended at all.

Many of you know I love projects, tomfoolery, and macaroni and cheese. I had all three yesterday which generally makes me happy.  I did watch the debate and I will not talk about my thoughts other than to say I strongly recommend people following Bill Maher on twitter, his political commentary is hi-larious!

For those of you that don’t know, I’m starting an event planning (weddings/showers/birthday parties) business with a friend. As if I didn’t already have enough to do!!!!  But I like to think of myself as the Make-A-Wish Foundation for regular people, I want to make your dreams come true and much like Disney I will help encourage you to have fun and charge you the price of admission.  So more information about that is coming to a facebook page, twitter, and pinterest account near you!

I am also struggling with the East Coast vs West Coast time zone battle. Bloods and Crips have nothing on this very real time zone beef.  Three hours is a large amount of time to be off your sleep game!  The part that is the most upsetting is that as soon as I readjust we will fall back for daylight savings.  I know some astrologer somewhere can explain the significance of daylight savings time but I truly don’t understand the concept, nor do I want to.   I don’t enjoy the juggling back and forth, having to change all my digital clocks (microwave clocks should be easier to change in 2012), or having to remember when to Spring Forward or Fall Back (sayings are clever but don’t give me a date).  So I’ll endure but don’t expect fanfare or praise hands!

I don’t believe in transition today so I will now discuss why one shouldn’t eat snickers peanut butter fun size bars for breakfast…wait I have no justification for that so let’s just talk holiday season. Retail stores are about to remind me ad nauseam that Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us! I love Halloween until it’s over because that signifies the beginning of excessive holiday marketing! We all know advertisers overdo the notifications; seriously it happens the same time every year!!!!  This year should be no exception so I am trying to mentally prepare myself now!

*insert transitional sentence here* I had a conversation last night with some folks about the fact that average is winning right now. What started out as a general discussion about the beauty of the First Lady transformed into a gender battle about what we are deeming the "year of the average"! The men felt like average looking women have a prime opportunity to succeed right now because of the example laid out by the First Lady. The women felt like the First Lady is anything but average and she is a super star to be celebrated! Of course this discussion then led to black power couples and the crazy beautiful (we mean you Halle Berry).  Either way, I learned valuable lessons.

1.      African American men find it hard to “sexualize” the First Lady which I think is a good thing. Respect her don’t fantasize about her (her husband does that cause he is her husband).

2.      Most men think they look good in high school (ha ha ha ha ha) everybody looks a fool in high school, its high school. FYI we didn’t think you looked so good then

3.      Not too often do really attractive people marry other really attractive people!

4.      If you Google black celebrity couples we only have like 10 which is crazy but I guess that means we need more black celebrities and role models in the media.

5.      Famous men date up, winning the lottery is one thing but many “average” celebrity men have pulled some women way out of their league; which one can assume is a perk of fame.

6.      Denzel Washington in the new GQ wearing that suit!!!!! Sir your sex appeal continues to make the ladies swoon! We love a distinguished, confident, gentleman in a tailored suit!

Other events of interest in the last few days include me finding out some double great news about a friend (congrats on both occasions); me actually working out which is worthy of praise; I purchased some new Joe Jeans (worth every dime); and found out I get 20% off discounts at Canyons the burger joint! You are all caught up people. I promise my blog will have substance (however you define that) later in the week once I have overcome the sting of my vacation ending and the sadness of being back in an office setting.

Good day to you all!  Go out and find a dodge ball team or something!

Animal Kingdom (What If Friday)

It is FRIDAY! And as I am about to embark on a trip to the San Diego Zoo, I'm inspired to answer an animal question from the coffee table book If (Questions for the Game of Life). Enjoy the randomness people, let it wash all over you!

Question: If you were to spend the rest of your life in the company of a single type of animal, which would you choose?

Thre are so many animal types but I think my answer is pretty simple and encompasses all the things I would want in an animal companion. Those features include intelligence, hunting abilty, protection, and general coolness. I need an animal I can talk to and not feel crazy, that can understand and befriend. I need a an independent thinker, instinctive yet good at following direction. I'm looking for a carivore (vegetarians can be a bit preachy). So my forever animal type is Caniforms which include dog-like carnivores!

If you didn't know, I'm a dog person and if I had to spend the rest of my life with one animal that gets my vote. Dogs are great they can hunt, scavenge, sniff out drugs! Great for protection and good at riding your house of pests. Aside from the loyalty and long life span, dogs have personality, compassion, and just the right amount of understanding! You can talk to a dog and not feel crazy...ever tried talking to another animal like a fish or a hamster? It's weird people!  Besides, if I need medical care or get sick a dog will find help, remember Lassie she knew the Sheriff by name and had 911 on speed dial (Timmy was an active child)!

Caniforms covers a broad base and includes other animals like pandas, wolves, foxes, coyotes, bears, racoons, aardwolves and wolverines. The question implies one type of animal, not one individual species. So in theory, I could spend what I expect to be infinite years (making a deal with a vampire as we speak) domesticating and training wolves, coons, and foxes; I could be the black Jack Hanna!! I imagine it would be a lot like We Bought a Zoo but without Matt Damon or the tragic circumstances.

No matter how my life actually shapes up, no matter what the possibilities from life in the California hills to the chaos of suburgatory to international vacation homes (I dream big), there will be a dog or caniform of some kind by my side!

Happy Friday!

Queen of California

Greetings from San Diego! I am officially here for the last wedding of the season! Getting here was quite the adventure complete with house guests, crying babies, and car rental craziness.

My adventure begins with the arrival of one of my favorite friends. I am her plus one at this destination wedding and so we decided to fly and room together. After work on Monday we gathered for dinner and wine to discuss our itinerary (which we didn't actually talk about) and to catch up on the last few weeks of life events. After tons of laughs and not nearly enough sleep we embark on our journey!

The flight was uncomfortable, me in the middle seat wedged between my friend the little person and an obese grandma in seat c.  She was nice but sleep was not an option, I couldn't even put down my armrest and my head was doing the bob and weave  while I fought off sleep for an entire 4 hour flight. Congrats to my friend for sleeping but I was screwed! Aside for being one row behind an incredibly unhappy 1.5 year old the people seemed great. What wasn't great was the fact Delta charges $6 for a movie and $1 per tv show like I didn't already pay $300 plus for flight and $25 for luggage. You can't show me a free movie!? jokes on you Detla I am happy playing Oregon Trail and UNO for four hours on my iPad while listening to music!

After arriving we proceed to find a rental car. No we didn't have a reservation but its a Tuesday. San Diego believes in Shuttling you to all the offsite car rentals. So after some online searching for be price we head to Budget Rental via shuttle. Well, after a 15 minute ride and standing in line for 20 minutes Budget Rental tells me they are out of economy cars but I can pay $70 a day for a minivan. Do I look like a family of 4 headed to Disney?!  Minivan my ass. So we head back to the airport to catch a different shuttle and to start again!  After several phones calls and online Internet searches via phone we head to Enterprise rental to get our $37 a day Mazda 2. Cali we have wheels!!

With a car in hand and the GPS navigating us down I-5 we hit the road to our hotel 39 miles away in San Marcos. Checking in courtesy of Marriott being awesome went smoothly and napping was a necessity. a few hours later we went on a quest for a hair brush and replacement sunglasses. Unfortunately our first stop was Target a dangerous place! A quick stop turned into a tourist attraction and grocery shopping excursion. first let me point out that I felt like a true country bumpkin because I was amazed at the fact that Target sold alcohol. You would have thought we were visiting the Hollywood sign the way we were taking photos and questioning locals. "Wait your Target sells Patron and Grey Goose?" Could you imagine fellow Bible Belters what it would be like if we could buy liquor at drugs stores or Targets? It would be amaaaaazing!!! I thought Sunday liquor sells was something to be excited about and I was wrong we need to set our sites higher! either way about $40 and a box of wine later (yes I said a box, we are balling on a budget people) we exit the store with the spoils of war! In true female fashion we immediately located the outlet malls and shopping venues and proceed back to the hotel to plan shopping excursions.

Its a new day and so far we are off to a good start! Cali time zone difference aside, we are up and moving. After a few cheesy free credit score commercials and free complimentary breakfast we are headed out for some pre-wedding obligatory spending! Next up is gang sign training and bandanna tying class! I'm going to be California chic before you know it!

Until I have another free moment I am off!

Today's blog was brought to you by LC's iPad and took way to long to write because autocorrect is a hellish nightmare!!!!

A Case of the Mondays

Happy Rainy Monday from Atlanta! Just because the weather is depressing doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.  I have so much on my mind this morning as I prepare to travel to San Diego, CA tomorrow. So as usual this blog is going to be full of a little bit of this and random that.

Wedding Day Bliss – I went to yet another wedding this weekend and despite being unaccompanied I had a blast. Thank you happy couple for believing in the power of the open bar it makes everything better.  I came to realizations at this weeding that I wanted to share. 

a) Open bar is a necessity, especially for those of us not married or without a plus one. Drinking is a coping mechanism people so just be kind to others.

b) Good food is critical to the happiness of your guests and is worth every penny. I want to thank the Appling’s for supplying some good eats. Mac and cheese is my favorite and you guys did it right!!!

c) Black folks we need to invest in some other cultural traditions. I witnessed the Money Dance which is where people pay cash to dance with the bride and groom. Once the crown made of dollar bills came out I was immediately intrigued.  I mean I have seen a wishing well but this was so much better. So thank you for the eye opener Cabrera’s.

d) non-assigned seating is really the best option

e) Love is a beautiful and fun experience and the best reason to through a party! Live it up on your wedding day because your guests do!!! I am pretty sure there is video posted of me getting down Gangnam Style and I know for a fact I was hungover (pretty sure I drank about 1.5 bottles of wine). Heeeyyy Sexy Lady…

Halloween is Near – I got word this weekend that one of my besties is going to be in town for Halloween and we are doing a couples costume that makes me chuckle just thinking about it. Photos to come. Either way I now have 2 Halloween costumes and that makes me sooooo excited.

Behind the Music- as a lover of music and film the VH1 show Behind the Music has always been a favorite of mine. This season they have been showcasing some great artists. Last night I watched the Behind the Music: Gym Class Heroes.  Amazing! I have to say as a fan of the band I was very pleased with this episode.  I love learning how my favorite artist overcome drug use and groupie love to remain famous and make kick ass music.  It was an eye opening episode and I am not going to lie I love some Travis McCoy. Artists are hot event the tattooed crazy ones! I know I am not Caucasian enough to win his affections but I can dream folks. And shame on you Katy Perry for not helping him through his hardships. I’m sure dating a drug addict was not a part of your 5 year plan but give the man another chance. You tw0 could make it work now that he is clean and you both are famous.

Happy Endings- my show is making a return and I have officially begun my countdown to Oct 23^rd because I love that show enough to count down until its premiere. Judge all you want but I would love for my real life to be like their fictional life. It’s hilarious!!! Happy Endings is more than just what you get after a massage people it’s pure comedy at its finest.  

Gulliver’s Travels – I don’t expect to be shipwrecked or captured by 6 inch tall island inhabitants but I do expect to fully convert to the California lifestyle eating tacos off food trucks and wearing beanies all day, every day.  I'm officially ready to get my last wedding of the season out of the way and vacation like a rock star.  I have a half empty suitcase and some fast cash California, beware, I mean business.

Enjoy your Monday folks the weekend was fun but reality is now upon us and the work week has started. I vote attack it like a spider monkey!

“We need to talk about your TPS reports.”

Teleportation Talk (What If Friday)

It is FRIDAY! You already know the routine people so in an effort to spice up your Friday let’s answer a question from my favorite coffee table book If (Questions for the Game of Life).

Question:        If you could physically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment, where would you go?

For years I have been a proponent of the teleport. I feel like it is 2012 and years of playing Halo has me convinced that advances in our technology should have allowed for the creation of one by now. I need our scientist to regroup and get to work on teleportation as a method of travel. 

When answering this question so many things came to mind! My first thought was my bed! It’s warm and comfortable. My pajamas are there! Being there is exponentially better than being at work.  Then I started thinking bigger, perhaps a bed with room service at a luxury hotel like the Four Seasons New York.  After putting my desires to be asleep aside, I focused more globally. I need tropical weather, a relaxed atmosphere, good food, and internet access.  So here is what I have come up with:

Lord Howe Island!!!! - On my physical person I will have a global iphone with satellite access (this is my fantasy people no questions). I will be wearing a short-set lounge wear ensemble from the softest cotton known to man with tagless everything. My shoes will be sandals. In my fashionable backpack will be a towel, sunglasses, my ipad, headphones, sunscreen, swim suit, matches (just in case), a flask of vodka, my entire life savings in large denominations, and a neck pillow. I will have all of this on my body as I hop in a teleport to Lord Howe Island in the South Pacific. My understanding is they don’t allow more than 400 visitors on the island at any one time. I would be the only person there minus staff assigned to serve me (it is my world people).  There is a plethora of activities including eating, snorkeling, mountain biking, golf, tennis, cycling, and canoeing which I will likely never do because I will be reading books on my ipad beach/pool side and sleeping in what I imagine is the most comfortable bed in the world as a warm ocean breeze passes over me.

I want a vacation get away damn it; one without having to pay an arm and a leg for travel and in my perfect world this teleportation device was gifted to me because of my undeniable awesomeness.  I packed island supplies just in case but I fully believe the resort will accommodate my needs free of charge because I’m important enough to have been gifted a teleportation device (you see how this works). The money is just in case I need to buy my way out of a sticky situation (like being Taken) or desire to tip the staff. I look forward to master chefs, comfy beds, possible outdoor activities, great scenery, and the kind of weather to make me want to stay forever and ever. 

Like many of you, I had other options including a bank vault, celebrity bedroom, movie sets, Top Chef Kitchen, True Blood Writers meeting, secret rooms in the Vatican, the Pyramids and so much more. I realized I needed more relaxation bang for my non-existent fictional question buck and I wanted to pick a place I was unlikely to visit seeing as I never really vacation. I wanted sun, sand, and blackberry free so the remote island wins this round. Now if I was able to move across the space-time continuum that would be an entirely different story.

Lord Howe Island

Law and Disorder

I went to court yesterday! Calm down folks, I was subpoenaed as a witness in a case. A couple of months ago I was the passenger in a 3 car accident that resulted from a non-attentive driver. Everybody was fine, only minor damage to cars, and aside from some hostile passengers and hollow threats the incident was relatively uneventful. Fast forward to a month ago when I received a subpoena in the mail to appear in court and was excited to see the justice system in action.  I can say that court is nothing like Law & Order indicated it would be and my excitement was misguided. It was dirty, crowded, and completely unorganized. I did however learn so very valuable lessons about our justice system that I would like to share.

Follow the Subpoena (for the most part) - use the address on your paperwork but not the phone number. Apparently the Records court doesn’t think having a working phone is necessary and for those interested in knowing for DeKalb that court is next to the Jail off of 285. After many attempts to call only to receive a busy signal or disconnection, I eventually just had faith in my GPS to get me where I belonged. 

Bring a Legal Dictionary - officers of the court forget that legal jargon is only meaningful to them. I watched as a room full of people (many who I concluded were working class and not necessarily highly educated) looked dazed and confused about the instructions and information that was quickly regurgitated by the DA and other staff.  Know your audience folks and make sure (especially if information is critical to decision making) that people can understand what you are saying. That aside as a college graduate I was even confused at some points!  

Pay the Fine – avoid court, as a general rule going to court will automatically cost you more money. The system has found ways to charge you fees much like your bank.  Court Appearance Fee (really)?! They crowd you in a room of people with a trial list about 8 pages long then try to sell you a dismissal program that cost you more money than your original fine but expedites the process for you and eliminates charges to your record. Hook, line and sinker…next thing you know you are paying $500 and feeling good about it.  Don’t be fooled criminal miscreants!  Be smarter than that and keep your money! Or even better don’t drive on a suspended license in the first place. I’m just thankful I was a witness and I will ALWAYS pay the ticket.

Waiting is Required – of course court starts 40 minutes late mainly because they have an obscene amount of trial candidates in one space with one judge. Throw in unclear instructions, multiple legal instructors, standard court proceedings, and roll call (the calendar) and you soon find out that waiting is inevitable. Bring a book because they make you turn off your cell phone which is archaic and cruel but I get it, respecting privacy is important, blah blah blah.

Cash is King- in the year 2012 the court system has realized that you can’t trust credit and or personal checks. They’re a cash only industry so be prepared to pay. As a witness my only cost was parking (cash only) but the defendants wow how much it sucks to be you. Fines starting at $400 with extra fees for every charge and if you can’t pay oh that’s ok, you get probation and a payment plan. Kind of like layaway but in the end you get charges on your record and if you don’t pay they lock you in the slammer until you raise the funds. Unlike liquor stores the court does not provide you with an ATMs so just bring a few stacks to cover potential costs.  You know the drill law breakers, say thank you and leave the money on the dresser.

Dress to not impress – apparently only working witnesses dress to impress. I got court chic in my business attire with my cute vest and penny loafer platforms. I was coming from work I did what I thought people would do. Apparently, I was very wrong and completely overdressed. Court attire in this decade is casual wear including jeans, t-shirts, sandals, and leggings.  The DA was business attire but even some of the lawyers representing people were dressed down. My rule of thumb is if you are standing before a judge the least you can do is put on a button up shirt and pair of slacks. Fellas club Recorder’s Court has a dress code and it’s no denim or sneakers.  What is going on these days?  

Old Buildings mean no Central Air Conditioning - you never want to walk in and see a fan or cooling equipment. But of course I had to walk around that to check in.  You would think that because central air was down or unavailable they would avoid crowding so many people in one room, plus isn’t that some sort of fire code violation?  Either way they just plug in a fan and hope you don’t pass out. So be sure to layer and drink plenty of water before you enter. Hydration is important and judges aren’t fans of delays even for medical reasons.

I will stick to Law &Order for my legal advice and knowledge base because that is my comfort zone and it has gotten me this far. I’m not going to keep ruining the facts i learn from TV with real life court participation. To my friends that have decided to become lawyers, I have mad respect for you *80's rapper voice*. This small glimpse into life in the legal system made me realize I love what I do and the fact it doesn’t require me to be in a courtroom. I also learned that I’m a law abiding citizen because I’m too cute to go to jail or court.

Truth, Justice, and the American Dream?

Columbus Day Weekend Special

The sky is literally falling this morning as they are doing repairs on our office building roof.  I am forced to work through what I can only describe as a construction site with equipment pounding, particulate matter falling from my ceiling, workers burling around and all that jazz.

As my office walls attempt to do an impression of a shake weight I realize it is post Columbus Day Tuesday.  Despite the construction and general tomfoolery and mayhem at work I’m in fun fall spirits. I haven’t blogged in a few days (I don’t work on holiday weekends anymore people) and I really missed you guys! But I am back with weekend randomness to share.

Columbus, Thief or Hero? - Many of you have often heard me refer to America as the greatest country ever stolen! Monday we celebrated Columbus Day in true American fashion by shutting down schools, banks, and government facilities. As the story goes, in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue and he eventually discovered the Americas; a land that had already been discovered and inhabited by Inuit and Native American people (those indigenous to the region). So we thank Columbus for rewriting history and finding what was already found but claiming it as newly discovered, thus beginning a universal bidding war for land and power ultimately leading to “freedom”. I am not sure Columbus is someone to celebrate in terms of his tactics but what he did was impressive. Consider that he lived 55 years back when life expectancy was much worse; he was able to survive multiple voyages (that’s what they called travel in old times); was able to coordinate 3 massive ships and the crews; manage and acquiring funding and still make a profit; write a few books, and completely negate the indigenous peoples and the discovery of the Americas by the Norse (11^th century folks) claiming the right for himself! Do you Columbus because that is true gangsta right there! Either way, I am thankful for not having to go to work one Monday every October!

Fall Favorites - fall is officially here because I was able to pull out tights and boots due to a much needed drop in temperature. I am soooo excited and I look forward to all it brings; Halloween, pumpkin gooey treats, and hot chocolate extravaganzas. This is my favorite time of year for so many reasons, most importantly the fashion which I love! Bring out the cable knit sweaters and knit hats please! Sign me up for knee high boots and cute stockings, put me in a turtle neck and wool skirt then send me on my merry way!  I also love fall for practical reasons including holidays that exclude me from work, warm beverages (hot toddies), the disappearance of mosquitos, snow days, minimized shaving of the legs (ladies know what I’m talking about), butternut squash soup, and the return of fall television.

Sad Bulldawg Saturday – my team lost this weekend. That’s all I can really say other than I still support them. This is not a season ending loss so I am not stressing it! Although it does make it difficult to face my non-UGA peers in the office but I will not shy away from confrontation or denounce my team for any reason.  I still bleed Red &Black and I’m ready to put the past (i.e. Saturday’s game that shall remain nameless) behind us…

Football Conundrum – my theory about the misalignment of my college and pro football teams was proven true this weekend. I think there is a causal relationship between the successes of one team that impacts the other.  When my college team wins my pro team loses and vice versa.  I want some sort of regression analysis done. The bad news I mentioned already but the good news is my Saints pulled out a W and Brees broke Johnny Unitas' record by throwing a touchdown pass in his 48^th consecutive game.  Congrats New Orleans and that win was much needed!  My other theory is that they only won because Coach was in proximity. We may need to consider sneaking him into games dressed as a mascot or something!

Fanship comes with great responsibility – over the weekend there were several stories of crazy fans gone awry. Primarily there was a story about the UGA QB having his house egged and rolled after the loss this weekend. An even bigger story was the KC Chiefs fans cheering the injury of their own quarterback.  I find it deplorable that people have eliminated a common regard for human decency and have forgotten players are people too.  Sure the media puts athletes on a pedestal but this game is meant to be celebrated and honored. Being a fan is about loyalty, illogical obsession, and contained hostility all in good fun! Fun being the word of importance! Never should you damage property, harm others, or lose your own integrity in the name of being a fan.  I was disappointed to see how far our society has come from the true spirit of sportsmanship. In true fall fashion remember the reason for the season people and behave yourselves.

Movies make the Difference- so I watched Chronicle this weekend and it was so much better than I expected. I feel bad I didn’t see it in a theater. Decent film about the dynamic nature of the human spirit and what happens when you give teens super powers! You already know…bad idea! Either way, I watched that film this weekend along with the Tall Man (a Jessica Biel straight to DVD film) and the both made me more socially aware. I learned to be nice to people, only kidnap children in poverty if your goal is to give them a better life, and always use surround sound! I really want to see Cloud Atlas and several other things so you can expect legitimate reviews in the future. 

Additional Random Thoughts – why are wings so compatible with football viewing? It’s so clever, simple and tasty!  It’s a perfect fit you know?! What would life be like if I got a real kitchen and could be the kitchen ninja master I am, in a proper setting (take that stove top fondue)! If I lived above a restaurant, I would never cook and would probably put on a lot of weight. Why are personal trainers and security guards so into me? What is the deal, do I emit pheromones specific to these professions? I need further research into this matter ASAP.  Why is my browser back button not working on my internet explorer? Seriously computer, stop being defiant and just go back to the previous screen! I really need to drink more water and consider working on my blog during weekend hours.

Happy Tuesday back in Reality People!