1. Miley Cyrus Go Sit Down – aside
from the fact that you are over compensating for years of having a Disney clean
image (you are doing the most) your recent desire to embrace “hip hop” culture
is embarrassing! Stop twerking, stop putting in grills, stop sticking out your
tongue, stop celebrating strippers, stop wearing swim suits as everyday
clothes, stop stop stop! Just marry your hot boyfriend and evaporate into the
oblivion that is former child actor hell. Your VMAs everything was just bad! I
want you to sit in a corner and think about what you did. 20 something
rebellion only works if you aren’t rich! Just be yourself and go sit down
somewhere far away from Robin Thicke.
2. Lady Gaga – all anyone can ever say
is why? Great performance but weird as usual. I just want to know when flying
nun cardboard chic became a thing!!! PS: We can see your ass
3. Pre-show OVERLOAD – aside from terrible
audio the pre-show was just way to much. Instead of having 4 different people
in 4 different places on the bizarre crossroads style red carpet. Just hire one
“PDiddy” an ultimate hype man that could do the job of all those people for
your entire pre-show. We didn’t need an
hour of watching people arrive, or the teeny-bopper performances, or the
awkward interviews, or the endless watch the VMAs commercials… I would have
been better off with one guy holding one mic
in a studio drawing doodles on a dry erase board.
4. Not having a Host (Bad Idea) –
Instead of giving us the chance to have some guided entertainment you threw Kevin
Hart in there at random moments. Did you lose funding MTV, were you unable to
pay an actual person a full time salary for hosting the show? I needed less
pre-show and more facilitation.
5. Sssshhhh Taylor Swift – we know you
like music like us regular people but you are not a regular person so calm
allllllll the way down. Be less weird, be less annoying, stop trying to be
teenage Taylor and work on adult 22something Taylor (for our sake and the sake
of all your future adult boyfriends).
6. Kayne the Dancing Man – I know you
are have been wayward for a while. I know you just had a baby. I know you
couldn’t possibly believe you should be categorized as or on the same level as
Jesus (this is more of a hope). What I didn’t know is that you could dance with
the grace of prima ballerina. Kudos on
having Jordan Catalano (aka Jared Leto) introduce you but that
performance was lack luster and just plain depressing.
7. Presenter Pairings (Odd –couple) - there
were only a handful of co-presenters at the VMAs! We know you wouldn’t otherwise
spend time together but I just wanted to point out the most noticeable awkward
pairing of the night: A$AP Rocky and Jason Collins! That was painful and
apparently all parties were not informed of the subject matter! LOL
8. Best Video with a Social Message – MTV
you are a network that let Miley Cyrus run wild, celebrates teenage pregnancy,
and capitalizes on the dysfunction of drunken-disorderly adults. With that
said this category is somewhat the opposite of your programing choices and it
made me pause! What exactly is your own social message? Based on what I have
seen it isn’t diversity, or education, or positive encouragement but leans more
toward the "be bat shit crazy cause you can be famous" side of the spectrum. #confused
9. Audience Pan (Didn’t pan out) - apparently
the only people that attended the VMAs were Taylor Swift + BFF Selena Gomez,
Will Smith and his crazy dressed kids, and angry face Rihanna. Based on the
obscene number of times we were subjected to their reactions one can only
assume they were the only people in the audience! PS: Jay-Z where were you????
10. A few other random points before I
praise Timberlake!!!!!
-
Lil Kim- we want your old face back!
- Drake (I feel so Drake about you right now)
- Austin Mahone – we all know you are just waiting for Justin Beiber to go to rehab so you can take his spot on the teenage heartthrob shelf. Watch out for Selena Gomez and good luck with your driver’s license test because you can’t be old enough to have that yet.
- Who were half of the people on the stage because I had no clue
- Why did Macklemore win best Hip Hop Video?
- Bruno Mars you are amazing! Good JOB!!!!!
- JC you are lucky they didn’t turn off your mic after that post performance ad lib (know your role)
Ode to Timberlake…
I know this post has gotten rather
long but I can’t leave without talking about the best thing since VMA sliced
bread! JUSTIN you were amazing! Aside from taking me down your musical memory
lane and reuniting with Nsync you killed it. Singing, dancing, and full
entertainment!!! Your performance made the rest of the show look like a middle
school musical production of Cats. Aside
from having 25 minutes of glorious air time, you performed the ultimate greatest
hits medley and made it look easy. THANK YOU for all that you did on the VMAs
and all you have contributed to music. That was hands down the best performance
and event of the evening. I wish the rest of the show would have lived up to
the caliber of your performance. 
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