I recently caught a glimpse of a new program called Catfish. It is a spinoff from a documentary about online dating. Specifically a guy finds what he thinks is love with a woman online who turns out to be something-like-a-con-artist. The show now helps people who “think” they are in online relationships find out if it’s real or if they are being played.
The episode I saw involved a woman looking for love in all the wrong places and finding “stability” and understanding in the love of her life, a guy named Scorpio! Really Scorpio! Any who, after 1 year of text and talking (but never meeting) she is thinking marriage. She writes to MTV and says “I wanna meet him but every time we plan to get together he bails on me. He has only sent me 3 pictures of himself but they are HOT! He travels a lot (but apparently not to where you live) and he has 2 kids but I luv him, cause he doesn’t judge me, please help me”!
Of course MTV can help her and in comes the camera crew to the rescue. After a basic Google search (really you didn’t even Google him) they find out he can’t be who he says he is. Well, Carmel Apple Lollipop, or whatever your stripper name was, did you ever stop to think that maybe he doesn’t judge you for being a dancer because he is a liar? Did you even once consider that it is bizarre for a man to carry on a relationship (I use that term very loosely) and never video chat you, send you more than 3 pictures, or actually come and see you? Have you ever actually used the internet? Because clearly you can image search, Google search, and reverse phone look-up. Why are you shocked he is 32 and not 27 like he claimed, a father of 4 (not 2) that lives in MD and not Atlanta. Why are you surprised he doesn’t look like his photo? It is because it wasn't his photo? You knew better! Haven’t you ever seen to Catch a Predator? The internet is full of lies people, that’s why the news warns you to be careful. Listen honey boo boo, somebody will love you but carrying on a fake relationship in your head isn’t the start of a marriage made in heaven.
I know we are in an age of technology so we have begun to integrate it into natural behaviors and breeding practices. For animals mating methods vary from random mating, to disassortative or assortative mating (seeking those opposite or homogenous to you), or to criteria based versions of evolutionary computation. It all serves one ultimate purpose, which is procreation, but human practice has evolved to more complex methods including artificial insemination. Allowing us to focus our hearts and brains on finding true love. Somehow, that quest for love has moved beyond the biological and into computer-mediated mating which is 50 shades of wrong.
Logic is apparently thrown out the window when people soul search through an Intel® Core™ i3 processor so I ‘m offering some helpful tips. Here are some warning signs that you are in a fake online relationship that will likely impede your biological and psychological ability to find love (aka make babies).
Red flags to consider and other helpful hints for Online Mating:
· Pictionary- a picture speaks a thousand words or sometimes it just speaks one, FAKE! If your online partner rarely sends you photos or sends photos with him/her alone in the classic bathroom pic doing the same pose every time then you may have a problem. Do a Google images search; he/she may be pirating images from others or lying about their physical appearance. Even people that hate taking photos have photos. Unless he/she is a serial killer or assassin, they should have a mix of recent pictures with friends, or from vacation, or the holidays. Time stamped, season appropriate photos are a necessity for validating identity and proof of life.
· Skype/Facetime/Video chat- if your pen pal refuses to make real time contact with the free apps at his/her disposal then you are likely dating a charlatan. The excuse I’m not good with technology is absolutely impossible for anybody if they are in an online relationship. You are in a computer based, internet dependent interaction you have to have enough tech savvy to do that so you can video chat too.
· Specific timelines – in the regular world the guy that can only talk to you between 3pm -6pm or only on weekends or during the lunch hour is likely married. The same is true for online dating. If the person has scheduled you in at a specific time and only talks to you on their mobile FB app something else maybe going on. Real people with nothing to hide have sporadic lives so communication should reflect that.
· Ask real questions – don’t wait for people to share. If something sounds suspicious ask clarifying questions. That is the beauty of online relationships you have to ask questions because you can’t see reactions, you also get a nifty transcript so you can connect the dots. You want to learn about this person and their past experiences. Be sure to be specific, not just asking how old are you but what year were you born. Ask the real questions like have you ever been convicted of a crime, who did you vote for, what is your foreign policy, can I have your social security number for a background check?
· Silent Treatment- if after feverish message exchange and talking your online love drops off the face of the earth perhaps hell is freezing over or just maybe they found someone else. Sure they could have had an emergency that took them away for 2-3 months but in real relationships you discuss those things with the person you love.
· Meet and Greet- stalling the meeting is a classic red flag. Anybody that into you is looking forward to meeting you in person! If they avoid it at all costs they are probably lying about something, so be careful. You have to question motives when somebody won’t meet you in person. You also have to question their existence. On the opposite end of the spectrum you have to watch out for killers, the person too eager to meet you is a danger too. Smart single women have rules that all should abide by; always meet in a public place, drive yourself, see his license to verify first and last name, only bring him to your house after he has met friends that could identify him at a trial, always tell a friend where you are going and what time you will return (check-in), and carry mace.
· Heed the Profile - a profile says a lot about a person including if they can copy and paste. A profile is supposed to be unique, customizable and should contain some biographical information and details about what you're looking for in a potential mate. Beware of Cliché users, those claiming to be real, the phrase “I hate drama”, or over sharing information. People don’t actually put their salary in a profile, its showboating; those that only show off their body are likely vain; anybody with a list of preferences 2 pages long is likely picky and unrealistic; and those that uses text language for words and not short hand are immature or illiterate. Usernames are another indicator of crazy or level of maturity; ILUV_69 is probably an idiot or doesn’t have a real job.
· Online Pros – if he/she has multiple user accounts on multiple sites they might be an addict, unemployed (who has time for all that), or a scammer. Sure some of us professional folks have a work and personal Facebook account. But if he/she has like 3 profiles each on Facebook, Twitter, Match, and tons of other dating sites you should type with one eye open. The serial online dater is real; these are the folks that habitually have online relationships with multiple people. It’s like a boyfriend with 2 or 3 cell phones, there is a double life happening there and it’s not that he is a spy. The only thing he is spying on is home-girl’s cookies.
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