Wild One (What If Friday)

Happy Friday friends, family, and readers! We made it!!!!  You should know what Friday means…debauchery, foolishness, randomness and If (Questions for the Game of Life).  The soundtrack for today’s question is Flo Rida - Wild Ones! I’m not proud of that selection but it is what immediately came to mind when I read the question and what I used to justify my answer.

For the record, Flo Rida is not in my iTunes rotation (ever) it is just heavily played on the radio which I listen to frequently.

Question:        If you had to spend one year alone in the wilderness, where would you go?

Well we all saw 127 hours and if you didn’t see it you should (James Franco gives an amazing performance). With that being said, I would not spend my year in any canyon in Moab, Utah. Canyons are for white people who like adventure and boulders that need a home, not for me.

Another place I can scratch off my list is the Artic, Antarctic and Alaska. I saw 30 days of Night and I don’t need vampires trying to eat me. I also don’t under any circumstances do cold weather year round so that’s just not going to work out.  Penguins are cute but Happy Feet can’t dance for a year and keep me distracted from the cold, at some point he will have to fight killer seals and teach his baby penguin kids lessons about self-acceptance and individuality.

I am also happy to eliminate any deserts from my list, mainly because of the extreme temperatures and lack of aesthetic (I need something to look at other than sand dunes and cactus). Then I thought all that sand in all sorts of crevices I wouldn’t want sand in; no thank you!

Next I figured I would select the jungle! Rain Forest means diversity of life and great weather. But I realized industrial development is leading to the deforestation and pollution of these areas. That in combination with Global Warming (which I learned about from Al Gore) makes me fear that I might not make it a year. I also remembered that the rain forest is riddled with insects and killer bugs. So perhaps the FernGully I imagined in my mind should just stay an animated dream. I thought of Africa and the vast wilderness it holds but I wanted to stay domestic and use my year to explore something I haven’t seen in my home continent.

Then Flo Rida made me think about the urban wilderness, “Party going wild, fist pumping music… Blast to the roof, that how we do'z it… Gotta break loose cause that's the motto… Somehow, someway, gotta raise the roof, roof, All black shades when the sun come through”. He may not be a lyrical genius but he does have a point, clubs themselves are a wilderness complete with hunters and prey. Although I do enjoy wearing sexy outfits, dancing, and drinking, I couldn’t do it for an entire year. Can you imagine using a club bathroom for 365 days or having to turn down the advances of creepy old men or to consistently witness the train wreck that is the next generation’s dance/club wear? I will pass Flo Rida!

But I am a wild one and that made me realize I need to alter my perception of the question.  If I had to live in the wilderness, I wouldn’t want to be human. I would want to enjoy the full scope of it all and really adapt and survive in my new environment. So I have decided to be a wolf (even if that means I’m a one woman wolf pack)! And I would live in a safe but wild place something like a national forest or park. Like Yellowstone or Eldorado National Forest. This way I can avoid being killed or have my home destroyed. I would want something big and on the west coast just because of weather; so Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest which is over 6 million acres is my choice (I did research people). From its towering mountain ranges to rolling sagebrush plains; I would have plenty of space to run free and get my wolf on! So there you have it!!!!

“I am a wild one, tame me now, running with wolves and I'm on the prowl!”

Side Note: If wolves weren’t wild killers I would totally domesticate one and keep it as a pet, like a crazy person!

This is what Wolf-Me would look like!